mental games

tapering kinda, well, sucks. it makes you think about all of the ridiculous things that could happen. all of the missteps you took. all of the things you should have done. and could have done. it makes you wonder if you are really ready. and all of the possibilities of what could happen on race day bounce around inside your head. and of course all of this happens in the midst of everything else that is going on in your life. all while you slowly withdraw from running.
sunday i ran 13.5 miles. it was a nice run. first half felt great. second half had a few minor glitches but overall a good run. and yesterday i had my intervals. some 1000's. i was tired. really tired actually when i started. felt like a bloated hippopotamus. and after one song my ipod stopped working. completely. i think it is dead. after the mile warmup the first two 1000's were not enjoyable. during the third i focused on my form and it went quickly. the last two were okay. i tried to envision the end of the marathon (a little difficult to do since i have never been on this course let alone stepped foot in the state of oregon but still). and then a mile cooldown. so 6 miles when all was said and done. then i built spencer a tent in the living room out of blankets. made him pizza and grapes for dinner. and we even got in a rousing round of dora the explorer memory. i get 6 more miles tomorrow. i am almost holding on to them desperately at this point because i am allotted so few this week. it's hard to explain to people who don't run. or even those who don't run a decent amount on a regular basis. running. or maybe more so training adds this sort of order to things. and provides this outlet for energy and frustration and anything else that is going on. its a way to clear your head. and for the past few months it has been how i order my days. running and non-running days. this all sounds so dramatic. and really it isn't. tapering is necessary. down time is important. just need somewhere else to divert my attention right now.