someday is not a day of the week

if it ain't broke...

2011-10-14T17:03:00.001-05:00

well it kinda is broken. my knee cap that is. not even a good story to accompany it. was hanging on a bar in the bathroom trying to get it down. it came down. and so did i. needless to say i will not be running for a bit. *sigh* this could take a while. frustrating but not much i can do about it. luckily the knee cap isn't weight bearing so i can stand. and chase around the wigglers relatively well. supposed to be on crutches but honestly i haven't been using them. it's too difficult to do in the house. and with the babies. this might complicate the rehab a bit. but it is what it is. trip to memphis for december marathon is cancelled. boo. there is always next year.

refocusing

2011-10-07T21:30:00.000-05:00

the past few months have all blurred together. the edges aren't clear. too much overlap. not enough focus. but i suppose that is what happens with sleep deprivation. and days filled with feedings and diapers and naps. times 2. it has been amazing. and exhausting. but i have been able to run. almost daily. until i hurt my knee the end of august. and i was knocked out for a bit. three runs in five weeks followed by the 10 miler last weekend. did i run fast? no. do i ever? no. but it still felt good. and consistent. i made it out there and i ran. nine months after having twins. so now here i am. 8 weeks until a marathon. not entirely sure what i was thinking. but i guess i need to run. i want to run. i get to run. just need to get up and run. one foot in front of the other. that can't be so bad...

blame it on the babies

2011-09-02T09:11:00.004-05:00

so two weeks ago during a 16 mile run my knee started to feel weird. like maybe it was on backwards. completely normal i know. and it was smarting a bit. but workable. after the run i was hurting. so i took two days off. and iced it. and then recommenced training with a few additional runs. sunday we were slated for another 16. knee still felt a bit wonky but i figured what the heck. so we started at the lake. and then continued on to the trail by the creek/stream/small water thing. by the time we hit the second lake i was really feeling it. pain. anytime we would stop. for water. or to use the facilities. starting again was torturous. downhills felt like my leg might snap off. i mentioned not finishing out the 16. maybe just hitting 12 or 13 instead. stopping when i got back to where i was parked. i hate cutting runs short. if anything i usually am the one to push them further. but honestly this isn't my training plan. i'm just along for the ride with my friend's training. so i could justify it in my head. we took a moment to collect ourselves when we hit 12 miles. and then we took off again. and suddenly the horrible grinding pain felt a touch better. so i kept pushing. and finished out the 16. and a sense of relief washed over me. perhaps my knee had fixed itself. (insert maniacal laughter). upon returning home i found walking to be - well - difficult. my knee felt unstable. it made a clicking when i walked down stairs. all in all not good. after a rough saturday night i headed to the dr sunday morning. he asked about changes in training. terrain. etc. then he asked what i do job wise. i told him i stay home with my eight month old twins. a smile spread across his face and he said "that's it. that is your change in routine". so apparently running. combined with carrying around two squirmy babies. chasing after them. kneeling. squatting. etc. has given me patellafemoral pain syndrome. ie runner's knee. he gave me a brace. told me not to do anything that hurts. and suggested i significantly limit how much i: walk up and down the stairs. squat. kneel. bend at the knees. um sure you try to do that with two babies. so i have been resting. as much as i can. while wrangling two small humans. and living life. next weekend is the 20 miler i am registered for. i am anxious to run it. i like the course. the race is small. and i am already registered. i talked to my PT from afar (he's in CO) and he dissuaded me from partaking. ugh. we will have to see how i fair over the next few days...

where i am

2011-08-23T08:52:00.002-05:00

so i had babies in december. via c-section. and i started running again in late february. just what i could fit in. between feedings. and diaper changes. and sleep deprivation. in january i registered for a half marathon in august. i ran a 5k in april. it wasn't pretty but i ran the whole way. in june i ran a 10k. again a bit brutal but kept running. and on the first weekend in august i did indeed run a half marathon. with negative splits. somewhere in there i decided to run another marathon. i looked around until i found one that seemed to fit. i settled on st jude memphis marathon in december. through all of this i have managed to find a stellar running partner. we wake up at 4:30am to meet before she heads off to work and before my babies are awake for the day. sometimes we talk. sometimes we just run together in silence. it has been wonderful.

don't call it a comeback

2011-01-27T18:31:00.002-06:00

so the wigglers have arrived. and are now six weeks old. so among other things this means i can now run. slowly (as if there is another way i run). i am a bit intimidated by this prospect. it's been 10 months since i ran at all. i certainly wasn't sedentary during my pregnancy but with twin weight gain and other attendant aches and pains and girth i wasn't exactly speed walking on a weekly basis either. one of my biggest obstacles at the moment is time. i don't have any. really i don't. could i be running instead of writing this? well no. i am sitting here with one baby on my chest and the other on my lap. but i am determined to get back to it. as soon as i can.

remember when i used to run

2010-09-12T15:24:00.002-05:00

so it has been over six months since i have run. some days it seems like forever. initially i was worn out all the time. but the past two months or so i have more energy. and i miss running. the little wigglers are growing well and we are excited to welcome them in a few more months. i know that not running was in their best interest but i must say it feels so odd. i am steadily gaining weight to support the two little humans and that has been hard to wrap my head around as well. weighing more than i ever have in my life. as much as you can know this is what is best it is still hard. pre-pregnancy i was probably in the best shape i have ever been in my life. and i'm sure that contributed to things going so well. but now it is like it is slipping away. i am trying to contemplate races in the future and wondering how i am ever possibly going to get back to where i was. i get winded walking a few miles. and i'm not sure the wigglers believe that i am a runner. i am already planning to set them up by the treadmill in their bouncy seats so they can watch me run. should be fun for all.

resurfacing

2010-07-27T09:18:00.004-05:00

i fully realize that I haven't posted in oh, three and a half or four months, but i have been attending to important things. like growing humans. two humans to be exact. twins. so while even if i wanted to run through the nausea and exhaustion my doctor has given me a red light. cross training - sure. i can ride a stationary bike, use an elliptical, walk, or swim. probably do yoga or the like as well. but no running. i'm not sure if the doctor is concerned i will shake them out of something but i am willing to follow directions. occasionally. and he promised that within three weeks of expelling my little humans (hopefully in december) i can be up and running again. honestly running hasn't been high on my list of priorities for the past few months since i have been battling what can best be described as pregnancy related narcolepsy and an innate urge to rid my body of all food. sort of like a perpetual hang over. without the booze. or the regret. recently though the fog has begun to lift on some days. and as i drive home i see runners out along the river. and i long to be among them. when contemplating this whole have a baby thing i had always thought i would be running through it. slowly of course (if it is possible to run slower than my usual pace) so this has been an adjustment. obviously a well worth it adjustment and it's only another 6 months or so but during peak running season that is not always the easiest to digest. though sleeping in on saturday mornings does have it's benefits as well...

Running Opener

2010-04-05T21:53:00.004-05:00

my boy makes me proud. for so many reasons but this weekend it was because i realized that my kid is a runner. saturday morning was the running opener. it was cool and quite windy but gorgeous out. spencer and i both had one thing on our mind - racing. well spencer probably was torn between running and the easter egg hunt that followed his run but still. we got up early and had our pre-race breakfast. half a trail mix bagel with pb for me. yogurt and cinnamon raisin toast for the boy. then we got dressed. i hemmed and hawed deciding what to wear since it was in the 40's but the wind was whipping around at 20-30 mph. i settled on shorts and my light windbreaker jacket over a short sleeve shirt. (this turned out to be a great decision). we woke mere up and all headed to lake phalen for the festivities to begin. the race was being chip timed for the first time and we were given ankle bracelet chips to wear - sort of like house arrest monitors for racing... but the only timing mat was at the finish line. frustrating since i certainly am not going to line up in front. now or ever. anyhow after a few minutes of waiting we were off with a READY, SET, GO! my strategy for this race was to stay with the 1 hour pacer. a 9:40 pace seemed reasonable so i went with that. first mile was tight since the race is run on the paths around the lake. everyone is jockeying for position but there really isn't anywhere to go. i opted to stay where i was and move up when i saw the chance. the first mile went smoothly. mile 2 the wind was whipping across the lake and a decent sized hill capped it off. i pulled ahead of the pacer and decided to push harder once i hit the half-way point. the wind continued to dominate through the next 3/4 mile. back near the start i saw spencer and mere and sadie cheering. the clock at the finish read 29 minutes and something seconds. the second lap of the lake was much looser. everyone had spread out and i was pushing only myself. the wind was still whipping across the lake but i didn't care. i just ran. passed a few people and tried to maintain my pace. finished in 58:48 officially (pace 9:20) - though the no mat at the start would likely account for the 20+ second difference between garmin time and official time. regardless it was under an hour for the first time ever in a 10k. last 10k was two years ago. improvement of 7:54. not too shabby. of course now i know i could have run even faster. that's why there is next time i suppose.

then it was time for spencer's 1k. he was excited. and focused. took off like a rocket. after a few minutes when we couldn't see the kids anymore i thought perhaps i should run up and make sure he hadn't decided to go for a stroll through the parking lot or anything. when i caught up with him he was on his way back and still running hard. so i joined him. at one point he wanted to walk so i asked him if he came here to run or to walk. (yes i know this potentially makes me a bad parent. or a good coach...) with about 200 yards left i stepped off the course and let him run in triumphant. after the finish he headed up for some gatorade and an oreo. need to replace those carbs!

change of pace

2010-03-27T20:27:00.003-05:00

some days it is just one foot in front of another. other days you have to change the pace a bit. make things happen in any entirely different way. so i opted for some intervals. on an incline. i figured 5 miles worth might do the trick. it was a bit challenging. but fun all the same. half way through i hopped off for a few minutes and interspersed the run with some jumping rope. and then worked in some upper body weights. then hopped back on. cranked up the speed. and the incline. and off i went again. a bit exhausting in a good way...
then i ran around the back yard with spencer. for hours. literally. we crab walked. we ran backwards. we hopped. we sprinted. we rolled. we played football. nice way to spend a saturday.

just another run

2010-03-24T20:01:00.002-05:00

it's been nice now for days. but yesterday was one of the first days i was actually able to get outside and run. for any number of reasons it just hadn't been happening much as of late. but yesterday there was nothing to stop me. when i arrived home from work i immediately changed into my running clothes and headed for the door. spencer tried to convince me that i should run on the treadmill with all the windows open and it would be similar. i wasn't buying it. i took just my car key and some water and drove to one of my favorite paths. i know with the onset of spring an influx of runners, walkers, bikers, and other mobile and semi-mobile folk have taken to the streets and trails en masse so i deliberately picked this area knowing that it might have some increased traffic but nothing like the lakes or the river. and then i just started running. my garmin was seemingly stalling on picking up satellites but i just felt the urge to get a move on so i started without it. and finally once it beeped its agreement i reset the last run and pressed go. i didn't really have any plan other than to run an out and back. let the day wash over me. and that was what i did. no music. no obligation. no nothing. there was nothing particularly difficult about any of the run. it was nice to see people out. a few runners. people in sweats pushing it as hard as they could perhaps embracing a new exercise plan. others in shorts looking as though this was just a usual run. everyone was friendly - offering a nod or a wave. and i enjoyed myself. i was so happy to be outside breathing in the spring air and pushing myself forward. turned around at three miles and headed back. only goal was to push a little harder. and i did. last mile i dug deep. kept thinking about my goals for an upcoming 10K and spencer's 1K that follows immediately afterward. and how close they are in time and how i will need to push it to make sure i don't miss his race. i don't think it will be a problem. came home feeling refreshed and energized. somedays "just another run" is all you need.

hesitancy

2010-03-20T22:36:00.002-05:00

since the whole smash and grab last week i have been a bit hesitant to run outside. my piece of mind has been - well - disturbed. and maybe i was a bit too easy going about how i left things in my car. maybe i did just assume the best. and think that people were good. and would not steal things. and won't violate my space. i know i made some improper judgments. i realize now that i should have been more cautious. but all that aside i am hesitant to run outside. this week had a few gorgeous days. days i should have left work and been outside. but then what. leave things in my car? no more. can't do it. go home first? and then do what with my boy? too many contingencies. i feel like i am running in circles. and i hate the feeling of violation. i know it will dissipate with time but right now it is too raw. and so i wait. and wonder what to do. of course running with all of my accouterments on me is always an option...just not an attractive one.

almost

2010-03-19T19:19:00.007-05:00

there i sat yesterday with a brand new debit card in hand. the glow of the computer screen around me as i stared at the active.com website. my eyes glazed. heart racing. ready to click go. confirm my registration. five times. this is where i found myself five times. so why the consternation. who cares? i register for races all the time. but this was a little different. for one it was the race itself. the ascent. a 7, 815 foot vertical gain over 13.32 miles. running up a mountain. in colorado. and then it was the fact i have promised to not register for anything "big" until after april. and then of course there are all of the attendant issues of training for such an event when you live in flatland. with plentiful oxygen. if i did indeed opt to break my promise regarding registration for big events prior to the break date. my phenomenal long distance (in both race distance and physical proximity) running partner, sister-in-law, and dear friend amy had decided to tackle the mountain in her backyard and honestly i am both intimidated and intrigued. it sounds awe inspiring and insane. when i got home from work i busted out my tape measure. and approached the treadmill. then i did some mathematical calculations to determine the grade of the incline. and then i ran. it was tough. and fun. and good. i hoped off with a renewed sense of determination. ready to go. run up that mountain. both proverbial and actual. and in front of the computer screen i sat once again...

but alas my senses kick in. or more accurately i remembered all the reasons why i had decided that i was not registering for anything right now. i can't put in the training that is necessary. this week is a perfect example. i ran once in the past 5 days. work has been busy. mere has been far busier. and there are just other things to attend to at this moment. not sure how things will look in a few months but until then i need to adhere to the path i have decided on. i will keep running of course. but the ascent is out. for now. the running opener is in 2 weeks. a 10k. spencer is tackling the 1k. and he is super excited about it. small goals. digestible bits. manageable pieces to get me through. for now.

the "just run" strategy for the 100% Irish

2010-03-13T17:03:00.003-06:00

this morning as i was making my way to the 100% Irish for a Day 10 miler i started thinking about racing. and running. and my lack of actual race strategy. i don't really plan for races. i mean i plan to run them. i train. i get everything set beforehand. i consider what i eat. and i often worry about how i am not consuming enough water. but when it comes to planning how to run a race based on paces. and tempo. and such. i just don't give it much consideration. or at least i hadn't. up until recently i pretty much have run all races at almost exactly the same pace. 5k's. 10k's half-marathons. and marathons. almost the same exact pace. doesn't make much sense if you actually consider it. the past two marathons i have included intervals and tempo runs into my training. and low and behold i actually have different paces. this has forced me to think a bit lately that perhaps i am not really pushing it as much as i should be. on short runs i have found a bit of untapped energy. i can actually run faster than i thought i could. fast no. just faster. and that is a start. so that brought us to today. and the 10 miler. after surf city five weeks ago i knew strategies for marathons were probably a good idea (to prevent the whole crash and burn due to going out too fast and lack of ingesting nutrition thing). but a 10 miler is not a marathon. it's not even half a marathon. so i decided that i would run. and not look at my time on my garmin. and then when i hit lake harriet for the second time i would harder. not much of a strategy but hey it was something. so i went with it. there was a clock at the first mile and it seemed that i was doing alright. not too fast. not too slow. everything felt good. i tried to exchange a bit of banter with a few folks but no one seemed to be interested. so i just ran. over to lake calhoun. a little breeze off the lake. another clock around 5 miles or so. saw emily a volunteer i knew that i said hello to. i was passing some people and just pushing once i hit the halfway point. back over to lake harriet and saw some much faster 10 milers finishing. so as my strategy anticipated i ran harder. and passed some more people. clock at the 1 mile mark (almost 8 mile). i turned to the person beside me and said "that was the longest first mile ever". she just looked at me. so i ran faster. at mile nine i dug deeper. saw steve in a speedo and yelled out a happy birthday (he is freaky fast!). another half mile and it was over. just under 10 minute a mile pace. fast - no. but faster for me. perhaps i will work on this whole strategy thing...

killing the buzz

2010-03-11T22:15:00.002-06:00

this morning i ran. just a few miles but i finally managed to roll my sorry behind out of bed to run for a bit before work. and i even pushed my pace a bit as well. and then i showered and put on one of favorite work outfits. prepped the boy for his day. and headed out. as soon as i started walking across the parking lot for work it started raining. big fat drops. and then suddenly it was dark. and ominous. and pouring. and i loved it. there were rumbles of thunder. and a streak of lightening in the background. the day was busy but acceptable. and then i did something i rarely get an opportunity to - i left on time to go run again. changed into running clothes and drove to lake n.okomis to meet victoria. only planned for a single lap around the lake since i was going to pick up the boy. then head over to pick up my race packet for saturday. and stop for mere's birthday gift. it was overcast. but nice. mid 40's. very few people out. we ran and chatted. and it was good fun. crossing the street back to the cars we were talking about g.armins and n.ike+ and mileage and the like. and then i noticed it. the shattered glass where my passenger window used to be. the t.arget bag with my work clothes, shoes, my watch - gone. my i.pod and headphones and armband - gone. my beloved n.orthface jacket that made its way through italy with me - no more. my license, my credit cards, gift cards, insurance cards, pictures of spencer. all taken. and my backpack. filled with all the things that i take with me everyday. suddenly just not there anymore. and most of the things in it don't mean anything to anyone. sure there were a number of items of considerable financial value. but there were so many more that no one can ever replace. and that no one will be able to understand what they meant to me. cards. words. pictures. papers. my water bottles. my glasses. prescriptions. old training schedules. my new r.unners world magazine. rocks from all over. things that meant something to me. and only me. words that i wrote down because i needed to. and because i wanted to. and because i had to. just to get by. and now they have been taken. and tainted. and i think that is the hardest part. i cancelled the credit cards. i can replace the window. i will be reimbursed for some of the items that were taken. but the things that can't be replaced are the things that leave the gaping hole. it really is the little things to me. the details. it always has been. and now the details are disrupted. and tainted. so i feel a bit off...and i don't have a birthday present for meredith. not really the way i thought i would be ending a day of doubles.

good

2010-03-04T21:01:00.004-06:00

some run are just blissful. for one reason or another. i have spent too many evening runs the past few months on a treadmill. pounding mile after mile. and convincing myself to just keep going. most of the time i just did it. but sometimes i must admit i decided to put in additional miles on the weekend runs outdoors (even if it was 3 degrees). or just skip it. but finally (hopefully) winter is melting into spring. it has been over 35 degrees for the past few days. today was almost 40. a veritable heatwave. something that needed to be taken advantage of before the annual mid-march snow storms... and since mere was able to break away from work at a reasonable time - i actually had a chance to run outside after work. i was giddy with excitement. and then a friend asked if i was planning to run today. and suddenly the plan was even better. as someone who often runs alone i have come to appreciate the solace. but i also enjoy running with someone else as well. its nice to chat occasionally. and to hear the foot steps of a friend beside you.

so today we ran. around lake n.okomis. instead of a snow pack of the trails there were puddles. and some icy patches. i was tempted to wear shorts. but dissuaded myself at the last minute. but no gloves. and just a pullover. and victoria and i just ran. for the first lap around the lake it was the two of us. talking a bit and just enjoying the weather. and the day. and the run. and then i opted for a second lap as the sun was setting. pushed my pace a bit. everything just fell into place. and i enjoyed being able to run. and breathe deeply. and appreciate what is.

to a million

2010-02-27T20:57:00.003-06:00

this morning spencer told me he wanted to count to a million. and dig a hole to china. from minnesota. when i mentioned that there was too much snow still and the ground was frozen he agreed to allow the latter part of this plan to wait to the summer. so really it's just the counting i am on the hook for. instead we went tubing. at an actual tubing hill. and i discovered that this could quite possibly be the best thing. EVER. flying down the hill at 20-30 mph on a tube and then taking a moving sidewalk back up in 35 degree sunny weather. all the while surrounded by your favorite people. and some new friends. and some amazing kids. can you really complain? i think not. it was a good day.

tomorrow i will run. but today. i just had fun.

that day

2010-02-24T20:26:00.004-06:00

have you ever had one of those days where you knew it was best to just keep your mouth shut because the likelihood of you saying something completely inappropriate to someone was just too high? that was today. and as is often the case it isn't even people you know who are implicated in these strange mental/verbal/social tourettes days but just anyone...like as i was walking to my friends desk at work i overheard two women expressing concern about giving "misdirection" to the creative department. and i actually said "oh they never know what they are doing anyway". but luckily i was able to suppress this past an overly audible level. and then i saw a woman with a super short, super tight skirt and what can only be defined as hooker boots on. at work. i think i visibly gawked. not in a "wow look at her" way but in a "what the hell are you thinking kind of way?"
but somehow i made it through the rest of the day without calling any random fellow shoppers at w.hole foods melon heads. or casting other random aspersions on my colleagues. not that i did not think them. i will admit i am not above that.

and then i came home itching to run. and between dinner and dishes and laundry and making lunches for tomorrow i made it a priority and i knocked out a few miles. even ditched the shoes for a bit and ran barefoot. and i think i kinda like it.

effortless

2010-02-21T19:47:00.002-06:00

running has never been completely easy to me. most things aren't actually. and that is okay. i don't mind working for things. but i can honestly say that i envy people for whom things are seemingly effortless...especially runners. this morning i ran. and it wasn't effortless. especially the first few miles. this past week was a bit lazy for me. i ran on monday and then nothing since. i meant to run a few times but it never happened. i haven't been sleeping very well and i am just plain tired. but this morning i woke up with the intention of running for a bit. no set miles. no set pace. just a run. for the sake of running. it was a lovely morning. about 15 degrees and sunny. and i ran. the first three miles were nothing to write home about and i considered turning back. and without an agenda those things are allowable but i knew if i pushed on i would also appreciate it more. so i did. there were very few people out. and around mile 4 it all seemed to click. and about then i started to see other runners. faster runners...which isn't hard. sometimes i hate it. and other times i appreciate it. there is something about seeing people who have a raw talent that i envy. and it helps when the runners are friendly...i think when i run it looks like molasses is running through my veins. and at times it feels like it. but then other times i feel like i am getting somewhere. and i am improving. regardless i love it.

today i ran. and i kept running. and then i turned around when i felt like it. and i ran back. no agenda. no plan. and it was good. and when i finally checked it was 10.57 miles. (and even at a decent pace for me). and that's when i am reminded that not having a schedule can definitely be a good thing. perhaps my "nebulous marathon schedule i created on friday is not necessary...

spent the rest of the day in consumer excess with spencer. and then building legos. surprisingly, neither of those was effortless either.

ready to boogie

2010-02-21T07:49:00.003-06:00

it's sunday morning. and i should really be dressed and ready to run. but instead i'm sitting here listening to sid the science kid on pbs sing about "working his body" and watching spencer dance around on the floor. it's a bit more entertaining. but really it's time to roll. and i am hopeful that since it has been hitting about 30 degrees for the past few days i can even skip the yak trax. so here's to putting in a few miles just because.

convincing myself i missed this

2010-02-15T21:36:00.004-06:00

i didn't really have a good excuse for not running at all last week. i mean the first few days maybe with the whole marathon recovery and all. monday i was slightly delirious from lack of sleep and still riding high off of my runners high but by tuesday it was an all out revolt. i hobbled down the stairs at home and sat in traffic that was eeking by due to more snow and coldness and other general attendant minnesota wintery love from mother nature. when i i finally made my way to work i slid across the snow and ice covered parking lot then i drug my sorry self up five flights of stairs looking like a maniacal climber about to go careening off the side of a mountain just to avoid the elevator (or maybe the people who take the elevator). so needless to say running was out. wednesday was slightly better. the legs had calmed from a scream to a whimper. i spent a decent part of the morning looking for marathons in the spring and summer squarely going against my own promise to not register for anything right now. but i didn't register so i still came out on top if not registering can somehow be construed as winning in this equation... thursday morning it was -4. yipee. entirely unconsequential in the scheme of things except it means that exhaust freezes to the roads. on contact. and creates black ice. which causes accidents. including the one that spencer and i were in on our way to school. we were rear-ended. nothing major. happy i was driving a crv with a nice tire on the back - good shock and damage absorber. need to get the rear door fixed and the tire replaced but all in all it could have been much worse. finally the weekend rolls around. saturday we went sledding. the hill was crazy fast. the snow is glistened with ice and packed to perfection so you fly down it and almost have a difficult time not slipping while walking back up. and the boy and i went swimming. sunday i ran. just to run. no schedule. no agenda. no set distance. 12 degrees. -2 windchill. a bit of a difference from the previous weekend in ca with 50+ degrees and the ocean but running is still running. it took the first 2 miles to remember the snow pack and the cold in my lungs and the feeling on my hips and back...with travel and treadmill it's been 2 weeks since i ran outside on this. i considered turning around and running 4 but even without an agenda i wanted to hit at least 5 so i kept going. over a few hills and through some snow and ice patches to a main turnaround. and then back. approaching the car i finally looked at my garmin. 8.5 miles. good enough. more sledding in the afternoon. appreciated the extra day off today. took the boy and the dog snowshoeing. then knocked out 4.5 miles of intervals. well maybe i did miss this...

a proper race report

2010-02-13T21:13:00.010-06:00

i'm not sure if i have ever been all that good at them. of course there are things to say after a race. hopefully good things. great things even. and certainly after a marathon. something you have spend countless hours and hundreds of miles preparing for. but either i wait to long or it just loses something in the translation from actual experience to paper (or computer or whatever). however since it is all likely to slip out of my head unceremoniously within a limited time frame i will make some sort of effort to translate it all into something here for the sake of posterity or something.

the short version. as i have been explaining to the interested few who don't really understand or care about the whole running part of the marathon but are kind enough to inquire anyway - surf city was amazing. the weather was perfect. just feet from the beach. pacific ocean on one side. clear views of catalina. mountains on the other side. palm trees overhead. friendly californians and other happy runners. great volunteers. and a really sweet surfboard medal. not really a bad way to spend a sunday morning.

the longer version. pre-race. kristen and i arrived in huntington beach on friday night in the rain. we met up with amy, nick, julia, amanda, ash, and autumn at our rather nice though oddly decorated rented house in a gated community. saturday we headed to the expo. in a tent. or rather a few tents. nestled alongside the beach. for the most part it was all well organized if not a bit humid and damp. some of the clothes on display were even soggy from fridays rain. strange. off to trader joe's for a few essentials and our pre-race dinner ingredients (tilapia and fingerling potatoes) and lunch (butternut squash soup, pasta, and bread). we watched 80's movies including The Princess Bride and Sixteen Candles while trying to relax. tried to pound some water all day and eventually made dinner. at 9pm i called it a night. took the platypus my boy had packed for me to bed with me and slept quite well until about 3am. was up shortly after 4 and rearing to go.
race day. marathon go time was 6:30am. half marathon time was 7:45. 3 marathoners in the group and 4 half marathoners. but it was decided that everyone should just go together. so everyone was up and at 'em in various states bright and shiny. 5:45 we piled into the huge suv and headed out. 3 runners were making their racing debuts and you could feel the nervous energy. after a few missteps we made it close to the start and the three marathoners hopped out. we made our way to a port-a-potty line and waited. once we finished up there we lined up. it was just starting to get light out and it was about 50 degrees. gorgeous morning. a few puffy clouds and a light breeze. perfect running weather. as i stood there with 2000 other people preparing to run 26.2 miles i didn't really feel scared or overwhelmed. it seemed almost normal to me. maybe confident is a good word for it. i didn't doubt whether i could do it i just didn't know how long it would take. and then we were off. running along pacific coast highway. spectators lined the streets for the first 2 miles. around mile 2 an older gentleman running said "hey you are looking great". i ran beside him and we chatted briefly. he had run surf city several times. he was over 70. i said i hoped i would still be running when i was over 70 and he encouraged me to run faster than he was. then he said "i wish i could run like a girl. i wish i could run like you." mile 3 we turned off of pch toward a park and a hill. nothing major. into the area around the library there are literally hundreds of kids waiting to cheer you on. it was pretty cool. the paths are narrow but since there aren't a lot of marathoners it was not a problem. i ran in step with a woman who had run dozens of marathons including Boston 10 times. recently injured she was running part of this marathon as a recovery. it was nice to chat with someone new for a few miles. back down toward pacific coast highway and the half marathoners start coming up on the opposite side of the road. around mile 10 julia was waiting to take my picture and slap my hand as promised. always great to see a friendly face you know. then up and down pch. around mile 14 amy came running across the road from the half marathon course to say hello, take a pic and hug me. and kristen yelled out a hello. it was amazing to see everyone. i was excited for them and to actually see them helped inspire me to keep moving forward. having looked at the marathon course map i knew what was coming but it still didn't make what was to come any easier. as you are progressively moving toward the finish line you are closing in on it but when you are about one mile from it you are shifted on to the boardwalk beach path. and turned back around. heading away from the finish. for another 9 miles. well technically you are only running away from the finish for about 4.5 of them. and then you are heading toward it again. as you run away you can see all of the half marathoners heading toward the finish. and faster marathoners on the same path heading toward the finish. and random beach goers and bike riders and whomever else on the path on a sunday morning. at times it was fine. but the monotony became mentally exhausting after a few miles. by mile 20 i was spent. i guess i have never really played into the idea of "the wall" all the much. in my mind you keep running until you are supposed to stop. and that is what i do when i train and in previous marathons. but my splits were horrible. for the first 16 miles of the marathon i hadn't even looked at my trusty garmin 305 really. i checked it around mile 13 to see where i was at (ahead of pace). but aside from that i was running based on how i felt. once i was on the repeat out and back i started looking at it. initially for distance. and i started playing mental games. saying things to myself like "in 8 more miles you get to go home and see spencer. in 7.5 miles you get to go home and see spencer. etc." but then i found myself looking at my pace. and wondering why my legs just wouldn't go any faster. good god. what the hell was wrong with me?! i tried to push it but it was difficult. i had shot bloks with me but the thought of putting them in my mouth and chewing them required effort i could not conjure up at that moment. and then at mile 23 my garmin started beeping. no more space to save laps. so it was deleting old laps. okay i don't care. except it was beeping. beep. more steps. beep. more steps. beep. every tenth of a mile. so i was running and trying to fix it at the same time. not working. as soon as i hit a water stop i walked for a second and deleted everything but the last three months and the beeping ceased. and i no longer felt the need to launch garmin 305 into the pacific ocean. the last 2 miles i pushed to just get it done. after mile 25 you finally reemerge with some half-marathoners. for the most part they seem to be chatting away and having a good old time. which makes sense. they have been running for 12 miles less than you at that point. i wanted to just pick up and run as fast as i could. but my get up and go had got up and went without me. but i was happy. i love running. and it was fun. i just wanted to be done. so i put my head down and focused on the finish. and then it was over. a minute slower than portland. a minute. arghh! but i had a gorgeous surfboard medal around my neck. probably the coolest medal ever. and any self-doubt about finishing was extinguished. and i could stop running for right then.

the added details or where the extra minute came from. my stomach was not agreeing with me. or at least i thought it wasn't. and in an effort to stave off a potential um, blowout, i stopped off in a port-a-potty. and i was fine. an unneeded pitstop. but then i started thinking that i had to pee. and sometimes once this thought is in your head its all you can think of. so i stopped again 7 miles later. and really that wasn't necessary either. but you just never know... when i looked at my garmin today for my actual running times it turns out i was over a minute faster than actual run times for portland. just to know that i was that close to improving my slow times and i didn't because i was in a port-a-potty. that stings a little.

post-race. after reconvening with the running crew (everyone made it!) and hearing about some great new PR's we took a few pics and headed back to the house. spent a little last minute quality time with some of my favorite people before relaxing at LAX awaiting my delayed flight and subsequent return to the midwest icebox of minnesota.

note: i don't suggest running a marathon, driving an hour, sitting in an airport for nearly two hours, flying for 3.5 hours, getting in a cab for an hour, then going home and going to sleep. after initially lulling you into a false sense of security your legs yell things like "i supported you for 30 years and this is how you repay me!" on tuesday.

"recovery" time: so by wednesday i was more than ready to sign up for another marathon. i mean i was ready before that but by wednesday i was actively looking again. but i promised myself. and meredith. that i would not register for a marathon. or a half until at least after the end of april. so that means i can look and even prepare but i can't say go. so yesterday i registered for a 10 miler in mid-march. a little something to get me through.

yup i'll run for that

2010-02-09T21:42:00.001-06:00

packing it up

2010-01-30T18:48:00.005-06:00

one week to go time. well if we are going to get technical one week and one night. but it is my last night home before the marathon. tomorrow i head to NYC for work. and then wednesday night i head to the west coast where i enjoy a few relaxing days in LA before we run. right now it all feels a little overwhelming. i spent a decent part of the afternoon packing up the monkey suits for work and trying not to forget any essential running gear. i have the work laptop stowed next to the garmin and the business cards packed besides the bodyglide. my hope is that it's all there. i had planned to run this morning but managed to get a good nickel sized blister on the arch of my foot during yesterdays run so i am holding off for the moment. but i hope to sneak in something in the morning. and then remember to put my running shoes in my bag. (self reminder: DO NOT FORGET YOUR RUNNING SHOES!)

nagging thoughts are running through my head: i will not be able to make my own food all week. for the first three days of the week i will be on my feet continuously for at least 8 hours a day. i will literally be flying back and forth across the country (and will actually be on both coasts and in the two largest cities in the US on the same day). i will not see spencer or meredith all week (i'm not used to this AT ALL). will any of this impact my running? maybe. i don't really know. can i do anything about it? not really. my training for this marathon has all about kind of just rolling with it so i think that is what i am going to have to do. and i believe it will be fine. and if nothing else it will be fun. i get to see friends and family. and i get to run. nothing wrong with any of that.

on ice

2010-01-24T15:58:00.003-06:00

yesterday it was raining. in minnesota. in january. this is clearly a sign of global warming. or the world coming to an end. or something really freaky going on. it was quite strange to see. there is still a good amount of snow outside but it was actually raining and the temp hovered around 35 all day. so i opted to move my run to today. i had toyed around with the idea of running a half marathon yesterday since i was putting in 13 miles anyway but in an effort to trim expenses i opted against it. the fact that you can even find a half marathon in minnesota in january is amazing in and of itself i know but i can't say we need to stop spending money on non-essentials and then spend it to run 13 miles when i am going to run those 13 miles regardless right? and i am heading to ca shortly for a marathon and while i managed to finagle a lot of the cost of that trip there will still be some expenses that have not been covered yet - like food. so yeah um the point is i ran today for free. it wasn't raining. but it was still very wet as i knew it would be. the trails which had been covered in packed snow are now covered in something else entirely...inches of ice! of course i had considered this possibility but i guess not all that much. i was secretly hoping that the warmer temps and rain would magically make the inches of packed snow wash away and i would finally get my pavement. and as i started running i thought i had gotten my wish. but i quickly figured out it was not to be as i started slipping and sliding my way around. i trounced through a few puddles happy and carefree and the slushy water enveloped my socks and shoes. i knew it was bound to happen so i figured i was better off embracing it than fighting it. as i headed over a wooden bridge to a dirt path i slid maybe 20 feet but remained upright and laughed. made my way over to the snow and ran through the 4-5 inches that were on the side so as not to slip. then up the hill to my favorite place to run. usually. today however i learned a lesson very quickly. bricks freeze much quicker than pavement or concrete. probably due to the relatively small surface size. yeah well the roads on said favorite running hide away are made entirely of bricks. so i slid and slipped and had a grand ole time. made it to the top of a hill where i stood there pointed my feet to the bottom and slid all the way down on my feet. essentially skiing on running shoes. i probably should have turned around at that point but i was definitely having fun so i figured i would put in a loop and then decide what to do from there. things generally stayed the same. the stonearch bridge was another complete skating rink. luckily there is a vent down the middle that offered a small area that i could hustle down most of. the paths were puddle filled or ice covered or usually both. for 5.5 miles i saw at total of 6 people walking. most had abandoned the paths and started walking in the snow itself. i finally saw 3 other runners in the last 1.5 miles i was outside. there was something about it that was so absurd that it was amusing. i managed to stay upright the entire time. my feet were soaked. i was actually overdressed. i smiled a lot. i enjoyed all of it (and even took a few pictures of the fun conditions). once i hit 7 though i decided that in the interest of actually running the marathon in 2 weeks i should probably hit the treadmill for the remaining 6 miles so i headed home. ran a mile in tights and long sleeves then opted for a wardrobe change. ran 2 more and was so bored i decided to do intervals. not usually a long run feature but what the heck right?! so i ran 6 x 400-800 meter intervals with 1 minute rest intervals and then finished the run off at 13.25 miles. not the run i was expecting but one of the more fun runs i have had in a while. i bet the people who paid to run the half marathon yesterday can't say all of this.

2010-01-20T21:54:00.001-06:00

craving pavement

2010-01-17T09:36:00.005-06:00

21 miles. the last long run before the marathon. three weeks to go. and i was able to run outside. the usual freakish freeze of january has broken and it is oddly dare i say comparatively "warm" here in minnesota. it has actually hovered near freezing for a few days. it somehow feels wrong and i cautiously checked the forecast all week in hopes that the bottom wasn't going to fall out leading to another dizzying session at the gym. but alas the weather held (and is looking good for at least another week - still weird but i am rolling with it). so i planned for a saturday morning run. figured it was best to get it done early and then i would be able to enjoy the rest of the long weekend. laid out my clothing including new wind stopper mountain hardwear transition jacket that i picked up with work gift certificates (thank you!)up before 7 but i putzed around until 8 or so trying to figure out exactly what to wear. ate half a powerbagel with pb. and finally headed out the door. with all of the warming and such one would think that the paths would finally be clear. this would be wrong. the paths do get plowed. but they are covered in a decent layer of packed snow that has loosened and refrozen and loosened and refrozen and melted and refrozen. repeat a few more times and you get the point. it is quite uneven and unpredictable. there are spots where the snow is a few inches deep. there are spots covered in a sheen of ice for well over 50 feet. and then there are spots that are what i imagine the surface of the moon would be like. so needless to say this was an interesting run. and by interesting i mean fun. and eventful. and challenging. and mind boggling. and painful. and curious. the first loop i ran was 11.36 miles. i tried not to push too hard. i had changed twice before i left the house and found myself only occasionally too hot. i started to run out to what i knew would be about 7 miles when i turned around but then thought better of it since getting back to the car at 14 miles before having water seemed like a bad idea. i am admittedly bad at drinking water when i run and so much worse at it in the winter. (think frozen bottles attached to me by a belt - um i'll pass). so 11.36 loop. guzzle water. eat 2 clif bloks. by now my hips and lower back are not appreciating shifting moon sand surface so much. just. want. pavement. so i run a short loop to bring me up to 14 miles mostly on a cement sidewalk. something that i avoid in the summer because it is so hard it jars the joints but it was bliss after the instability of the paths. back to the car. more water. and vitalyte. another clif blok. decided to suck it up and put on the yaktrax for the rest of the run. don't get me wrong i think yaktrax are great but for extended distances they are not the most comfortable things to wear. i figured 3 miles out and back would be fine. started running. stopped off at the porta-pottie. yuck. started up the garmin again. pulled down my sleeve and apparently stopped my garmin at some point. something i didn't notice until at least a mile or a mile and half later. to say the least i was not pleased. i have a freakish need to have my garmin say what i am supposed to run. who cares? no one. just me. no one else would know. i knew i would have run over 20 even when it read 19 but i still had to make it read it so i kept running. it wasn't pretty. and it hurt. but it was done. my muscle fibers felt like they were unraveling. and my lower back was on fire. but honestly it's just running. this is what i do. and sometimes it hurts. sometimes it doesn't. but regardless i love it. and i am fortunate that i get to do it.

devastation of a different kind

2010-01-14T21:05:00.002-06:00

haiti. an earthquake that literally brought an already devastated country to its knees. the horror is overwhelming. i cannot stop thinking about it. no matter what is going on in my life at any time i cannot even begin to imagine what this is like. so i will pray. and donate. and do what i can to make a difference.

things i would say

2010-01-10T19:41:00.004-06:00

i spend a lot of my time in silence. especially at work. even though i am surrounded by 6000 other people. odd one might think but it is seemingly a function of my particular group. my set of tasks. and perhaps my personality. and then i run. and when i even mildly adhering to my prescribed training schedule this can yield long periods of time when i am left with my own thoughts. this isn't to say that i don't speak to anyone. i attend meetings on occasion. exchange emails. i have fun filled exchanges with my son where i usually learn something new (or am at a minimum mildly entertained). and once in a while even have interactions that vaguely resembles something most people would consider a conversation. but much of the time i find myself thinking about all of the things i would say if i had someone to say them to. many of my closest friends live in far flung places. colorado. california. hawaii. wisconsin. new york. connecticut. others are only across the city. either way so many of the conversations i have with them are in my head. because i miss them. and i think about all the things i want to tell them. and then i run the risk of thinking i have had said conversations without ever really saying a word.

the past year has changed me in a number of ways. the more i have needed to say the less i have said. there were so many things i was so sure of and my footing felt so stable initially. but as i was forced to learn things weren't quite as simple as they appeared. and something within me - a small part of something deep inside that i can't really define - shifted in the first six months of the year. and shortly thereafter i turned thirty. nothing momentous in and of itself. but a turning point where i redefined what it was that i could still accomplish in 2009. and i ran. and thought. and became more introspective. all of which possibly made it more difficult for people to hear the things i wasn't really saying. or it might be because i wasn't actually saying them. and i'm still not. even though i should be. but the truth is i have a lot of things to say. a lot of thing that i would love to tell you. and maybe one day i will.

if you can't go outside

2010-01-06T20:05:00.004-06:00

you have to make it happen inside, right? the past few days have been brutal. seriously brutal. we aren't talking teens. we are talking -19 air temperature. windchill -30. this of course sounds lovely. but perhaps not for running. contingency plans had to be made. and they were. i appreciate the treadmill. sometimes i even enjoy the treadmill. it removes some of the thought from intervals and just allows me to punch in a number and go for my allotted time. but recently there has been a bit of tension between me and the treadmill. i just want to be outside. i crave movement. actually wind in my face, ground moving beneath me, change of scenery movement. and that can't really be accomplished on a machine. between the sun rising so late and setting so early and hanging with the kid i pretty much am guaranteed two runs a week there anyway. but a long run, please make it not be so. luckily i have a gym membership. i don't use it all that often. i could insert any number of excuses here but will refrain. the gym has a track. it's a tenth of a mile around. small but nice. it circles around the floor where there are machines and weights and the like. so you are somewhat on display but everyone is already plugged in to what they are doing with their ipods, tv viewing, and working out. anyhow. this was the plan. 17 miles. ~170 laps. it was -14 degrees on sunday morning. but not inside. so i ran. and ran. and ran some more. it was a bit boring. and my legs felt tight. but it had to be done. and it was. i stopped for water and a couple walked over and said "you have been running for almost 2 hours". and we proceeded to chat for a few minutes. and then i kept running until i was done. all in all it was an interesting experience. not the most fun i have had. but good to get in the miles.
4 and a half weeks to Surf City. it's still cold. 19 miles this weekend.

the only things that matter

2009-12-31T21:01:00.002-06:00

this year has been interesting. filled with trials. tribulations. triumph. disappointments. love. and hope. i made goals. i had expectations. and some of them were perhaps unrealistic. but maybe only because i had no real control over them. i thought i did. but in actuality there is only so much we can do. and only so much we are able to impose our will on. all i wished for and all i wanted were not enough. so plan a. and plan b. ultimately failed. but they lead to plan c. something that i finally had complete control over. myself. i could run. and i could run far. i knew how to do that. i know how to do that. so i ran another marathon. in portland. and i did okay. i was able to come to think about things in an entirely different way. and see my life in a new dimension. 2009 was trying. but good. i have a fantastic family. and i am here. and through it all i managed to run an average of 2.1 miles a day. there are still opportunities in front of me. and i am surrounded by love. for 2010 i am posed for the future. ready to take on whatever may come. with spencer and meredith beside me. best wishes for everyone in the year to come.

it looks a whole lot like christmas

2009-12-24T16:18:00.006-06:00

it's hard to believe spencer has never been sledding. he's five. how have we missed this pivotal part of his upbringing. no time to dwell on it. this morning we corrected it. christmas eve. it snowed about 7 inches last night. expecting another foot or so tonight. while we waited for santa and the impending snowmageddon we headed out to a local park. boy and dog. is there really much that can be said about sledding. its fantastic. fun. fast. reminds you why winter is magical and why it is great to be a kid. and that you don't have to be a kid to be a part of the fun.

the dog is obsessed with snow. it has been warmer than the usual minnesota frigidness for the past few days so she hasn't been picking up her feet in the usual sad "oh my goodness my paws are freezing off" way. instead she bounds out into the snow and tackles spencer. steals his gloves off his hands and runs off wildly. i think she would have fared well in the iditarod...if she could run more than three-quarters of a mile.

if there was a perfectly magical age for christmas i think spencer is there. he is so very excited. by the snow. by the prospect of santa. by holiday songs. by lights. by all of it. we went to the store to buy food to donate to the food shelf. and picked out a few things for toys for tots. we are attempting to instill a healthy balance of giving and receiving. and i think we are doing okay. it is just incredible to be able to see all of the magic again through his eyes. christmas morning should be spectacular.

noticeables

2009-12-13T17:41:00.005-06:00

weird things happen when its cold. your eyes tear. and those tears - well they freeze to your face. you lose the concept of how fast you are running. and then when it snows things get even more interesting. i hadn't given much thought to the closed paths. or running through piles of snow with running shoes with mesh tops. but let me tell you - these are definitely things that need a bit of thought.

this morning wasn't even that cold. 12 degrees. but the wind was moving a bit. i ventured out a bit reluctantly. started in one direction and quickly hit a completely snow covered path. so i turned and headed the other way before i lost my nerve and headed back into the warmth of my car. i ran. and ran. the first four or so miles were okay. i never really hit my stride. i couldn't seem to feel comfortable no matter what i did. and then as i moved out of the way to accommodate a group of three out for a walk i felt somehow better. and i ran. across a bridge and up a hill. turned back around and there it was. the wind. wow. cold. all of the sweat that had slowly been accumulating on my skin suddenly felt like it was being blown through my body. my face was frozen. tears quickly started streaming down my face and freezing to my cheeks as hard little disks. it was a bit brutal. but exhilarating at the same time. strange how that happens. finally made it back to the car at 8 miles. and that was enough. i trudged through a snowbank and into the car. once home i sat on top of the heater for twenty minutes until i was finally warm. i need to figure this out. winter is long and it hasn't even really started yet. i love being able to get outside so i need to find something a bit more windproof. that and perhaps lose my attachment to my toes...

8 weeks to surf city.. no time to slack.

12 days of xmas are upon us. good things to come. attending to my boys active social life. and hoping to bring some merriment in the meantime.

winter has arrived

2009-12-04T19:11:00.003-06:00

yup its cold. finally. it definitely took its time but now it has set it. high today was well 18 degrees. with the wind chill it was 8. so running tomorrow should be interesting to say the least. yes i have run in worse (much colder) but initially it is always such a shock. i will be fine. last weekend was 20+ in shorts in the 34 degrees but i will skip the shorts in the morning. or maybe sunday. i am not tied to either day honestly. i should figure out when there is will be less wind and go with that...just looking forward to a nice run. no pressure just get out there an move.

i like the winter. even in minnesota. there is something about everything being paused a bit at least in nature that is calming to me. and it all looks pristine and lovely - at least when it is covered in nice white snow. i say all of this now though when it is 0 next week i may be regretting it. we shall see. for now i will just appreciate my ability to run outside - be it in the freezing cold or otherwise. a marathon still awaits. and i am on a journey to be who i'm destined to be.

something more

2009-12-02T20:40:00.003-06:00

is it the human condition to always want just a little bit more. something slightly - better. or bigger. or just different. or is it just me. i am often struck but the somewhat dichotomous sides of appreciating what you have and wanting to strive for so much more. and i know there is a balance there but it seems so very precarious... ahh words. all jammed into my head.

big decisions this week. at least on paper.

i know good people. who do amazing things.

pride.

2009-11-30T21:04:00.004-06:00

i am rarely "proud" of anything i do. but tonight as i was driving home i was looking over the route i ran yesterday and i was struck by just how far it was. 20.25 miles. it is far. and i did a good job. i kept pushing. there was something about seeing it all lit up by the building and street lights that made it something else entirely. i can't really explain it. i just smiled when i saw it. and loved the slight pang in my legs. and felt a bit stronger. and stood a little bit taller.

enough

2009-11-26T19:44:00.001-06:00

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye.."

~Bob Perks

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

appreciating what you have

2009-11-26T12:24:00.008-06:00

thanksgiving.
a day to think about all the important things in your live. and to give thanks for where you have been. and to look forward to where you are going. for some perhaps. for others it might be a day to watch the macys parade. and football. and then eat turkey. and drink beer. and avoid awkward conversations with your relatives. for me it was more of the former. but i can definitely appreciate the latter...

i ran this morning. i had been looking forward to getting outside all week since my recently redeveloped strained relationship with the treadmill (of course i love and appreciate you but i just don't think we are going anywhere). skipped the whole turkey trot thing and just ran on my own (the $30 still in my bank account thanks me). i have a bit of a cold that is slowly me down a touch but not enough to prevent me from getting out and running. it was actually a little chilly for the first time weeks. nothing bad but just a noticeable difference. i wore pants. and gloves. put in a little over five miles. great to be outside. an opportunity to recenter myself and just get some perspective. then home again to my family for breakfast. a nap. and then an amazing thanksgiving meal prepared by meredith.

thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday. meredith's too. it makes me think of family. and home. and growing up. all about nostaligia. we draw on our memories while trying to create new ones for spencer. it's an interesting balance. and there is a comfort to all of it. i remember the times when it snowed over a foot and sarah and eric and i went sledding in the backyard while the turkey was cooking before family came over. i remember when the whole extended family came down from ny so we could all enjoy the time together. i remember going to my grandparents house and the turkey not being completely cooked so they put it in the microwave to finish the job (and i also distinctly remember not eating it that year). and there were definitely the years as i got older that we snuck beers into backpacks in the backhall and then brought them to my room to consume later. or played basketball outside in the pouring rain in an effort to prove something to cousins who thought they knew everything. or tackle football in the sideyard. it all seemed so simple then. and maybe it still is but we have just started looking at it differently. and more recently we have spent thanksgivings with merediths siblings. our house has always been full around this time so it is a bit of a shift this year. not bad but different. i miss the hustle and bustle of it all but love the closeness of the most important people in my life. this is the first year in a long time that it was just "us" for thanksgiving - our family unit - mere, spencer and myself. it was nice. we talked about what we were thankful for. and we ate good food. and appreciated all that we have. and cast our hopes into the sky for the future. we have been ver fortunate in our lives. we have good people in our lives. and we have a lot to be thankful for. i am hopeful that the coming year brings more opportunities for us all.

i know good people. i am fortunate enough to be related to many of you. and to have made a lot of you "family". regardless of where you fall on that spectrum i appreciate you all.

shift

2009-11-18T18:23:00.004-06:00

i skipped my tuesday run. and worked on my resume. work has been a bit tumultuous. lay offs. and general upheaval with little guidance on what is to come. i have survived unscathed thus far but there is still my general malaise on the entire experience that led me to believe that my time would be better spent updating my resume. and looking for some viable alternatives. apparently employers don't often seek you out to find a new job you will thoroughly enjoy. who knew? i felt great after my run on saturday. 17 miles and my body was ready for it. my hip is definitely adjusting well. new shoes are worked into the rotation. all is flowing well. or at least it was until this week hit. and then gears shifted.

i am grumpy though. and tense. there are so many things racing through my head. i can feel my muscles tightening and my jaw grinding. i need to run. i want to run. but i don't feel like getting up and doing it. sounds weird given what i just said i know. sometimes those first few steps are the hardest ones though...

2009-11-14T15:07:00.001-06:00

17 miles. enough said.

pushing it

2009-11-07T20:29:00.011-06:00

my new philosophy. i have opted in my training for surf city to push things a bit. i'm not certain this will actually yield any positive results come race day but it has been interesting all the same thus far. prior to this week training had honestly gotten off to a rocky start. i think i needed a little more time to recover physically (and mentally) from portland. it was an amazing experience and i was taking it all in while trying to figure out what the heck was up with my hip. i preemptively (perhaps) registered for another marathon and may have suffered from a little buyers remorse after the fact. but no more! last week i ran. intervals. tempo. and then a shorter weekend run with some cross-training at the gym. this week was all out on task. 6 miles of intervals on tuesday where i pushed my pace and enjoyed the burn. 7 mile tempo on thursday. a delightful run where the last three miles were so fantastic i didn't want to stop. (all 15 seconds faster than scheduled). and then this morning ushered in the return to the long run. i was excited and nervous. it has been just over a month since the portland marathon and i haven't run further than 7 miles in the interim. and i have been diligently doing my strengthening and stretches for my hip it/bursa issue. (while i think PT is great i don't really want to hang out there all the time...)

so this morning i opted for 13. plotted a course of 6.5 miles out along west river parkway and back. and then i set out. the morning was almost breathtaking. 47 degrees. cloudless sky. a bit past sunrise with a slight wind. very un-november like. so i started running. made it to the first scheduled "water stop" fountain around mile 1.6. no water. kept running. tried the next one at 2.3 miles. no luck. and then it dawned on me that it really is november. in minnesota. and the water has been turned off even if the weather seems confused by this. so i had to mentally reroute my course to accommodate for this oversight. immediately designated my vehicle as my water stop and kept running (i was running while rerouting as well). ran 7.5 miles and finally had some water and vitalyte (the beverage of choice for surf city and not a bad choice i might add) - much better than the ultima at portland). set out for another loop going the opposite direction on the mississippi river. i was tired but happy to see that i still had it in me to make it this far. sometimes i wonder after i have run a long distance if i haven't just lost the miles somewhere. like i was pouring water out of a pitcher. clearly not the case but these are the things that float through my head at times. okay back on task. i ran over the stone arch bridge and into the two mile home stretch. but as i was getting closer i thought i bet i can run further than this. i had told myself before i started that when you think you can't go further, run two more miles. so i made it back to my car at 13.35 miles and decided to go for 15. smaller loop this time. just bridge to bridge and back. ran. said hello to some homeless looking gentleman and crossed the second bridge at mile 15. and i was spent. super spent. but i still had a little ways to go before i was back at the car so i ran. 15.5 miles total. walked .25 miles to cooldown. (all done over a minute faster a mile than what i was slated for. i will happily take it.) could i have pushed 17. maybe. but why? i suppose there is always a reason. but i was satisfied. i felt good. my hip felt good. (apparently following the stretching and strengthening recommended by PT is beneficial). and then i went home. showered. ate. spencer and i took the dog out for a walk. he rode his bike. i walked. and chatted with amy who is suffering with hip nonsense. different hip nonsense. possibly more annoying injury than my it issue which hopefully is on the up tick. all in all it was a delightful morning and early afternoon.

and finally to cap off my afternoon. i followed some sage advice. last week my PT at TRIA also recommended getting superfeet insoles. and new shoes. i knew the shoes were on the horizon. but oddly i dread this every time. just when i get a pair of shoes feeling great i need a new pair. the superfeet were not surprising but had not been completely anticipated. today i scored both. my running store - which i as general rule love - does not carry superfeet. so first stop was rei (the place where when someone asks "where would you spent thousands of dollars? " -this would be my answer). then on to run n' fun. small local establishment that is fellow runners helping you run better. at least thats how i think of it. i brought along the superfeet and had my feet once again "fitted" for the proper shoes. tried on a few different pairs of narrow stability, but not quite motion control, shoes and ran up and down the sidewalk in my jeans. yup thats how i roll (hey its usually work clothes). it was between a pair of new balance and a pair of saucony. they both felt good. i asked my helpful salesperson/super fast runner man his opinion and went with the new balance. i am hopeful. but ever appreciative of the return policy as well. hope to knock out a few miles on the treadmill tomorrow to test them out and then we should be good to go.

tomorrow is supposed to be unseasonably lovely as well. looking forward to lunch with friends (but not to cleaning). i think pushing it is working out for me. at least it seems like a good philosophy...

PT and a chihuahua

2009-11-01T20:21:00.006-06:00

sugar fueled weekend for my boy. between halloween and spencer's first ever kid's birthday party there was a lot of excitement. we had tucker for the weekend. i never thought i would love a chihuahua but seriously that dog is fantastic. managed to squeeze in some cross-training (admittedly my weak point). and like all weekends it went too fast...

the scoop on PT. my hips are misaligned. my left foot is flat. i lack balance. but can it be fixed? sure why not. after an assessment that consisted of stretching. walking. and having my legs pulled this way and that a routine of strengthening and stretching was established. and it became quite evident where my hip issue is stemming from. strange how evident it becomes when someone says oh look your foot is flat and it pulls this which pulls that and your hip is then completely off. yup makes sense to me. so i am doing my exercises. and my stretches. i like PT. my therapist is excellent. very down to earth and seemingly interested in actually fixing the chief complaint (throbbing left hip pain after running more than 6-8 miles) while understanding that i am going to keep running while the fixing is going on. if i could have someone (besides meredith or other family members) tell me what i am doing wrong and how to fix it on a regular basis i would definitely pay for that service. maybe just related to running. maybe to bigger aspects of my life...i'm not sure.

7 before 7

2009-10-29T20:47:00.004-05:00

this week has been a bit hectic. just a lot to do every single night. tuesday spencer turned five. hard to believe my baby boy is already five years old. he went to school and then we surprised him with a trip to see astroboy and dinner at rainforest cafe. sensory overload...just what every five year old boy wants for his birthday. at dinner he said "you can't argue with a good birthday!" very true.

Last night I picked up Spencer, went to target for supplies for fundraiser bake sale at his school today, waited for tucker the Chihuahua hand-off (that I learned about in the morning), drove home (calling dad along the way to wish him a happy birthday), pulled in driveway and realized I (actually Meredith) forgot to return movies so turned around and returned movies. Back home at 6:45. Made dinner, opened some of Spencer's new toys (apparently everything needs to be taped, bolted, and rubber banded down). Made Spencer's lunch, did two loads of laundry, put Spencer to bed and then started making Halloween baked goods. For whatever reason I opted to be an overzealous parent with my baked goods. I had initially decided to make rice krispie treats shaped like ghosts with white frosting and chocolate chip eyes. But target did not have a ghost cookie cutter so I figured I would free hand it (feel free to laugh here). So I whipped up a double batch of rice krispie treats. And then set to work cutting them. Um, yeah. I quickly scraped the ghost idea and thought maybe witch hats would work but they just looked like, well, triangles. Even with black piping around the outside. So I then decided to hand form ghosts. Yup hand form ghosts that stood up with arms and everything. I also cut some pumpkins, a headstone, a flat ghost or two, a few more hats, and possibly some other Halloween like shapes. I smartened up for the second tray and just cut them in squares. I then used my black piping to make everything look lovely and festive. I don't know if I was channeling betty crocker or martha stewart or the ghost of Halloween past of what. It was weird. and I am not sure I liked it. anyhow I finished. Packed it all up and went to bed without getting my run in. after taking out aforementioned chihuahua and my black lab. I vowed to get up and run in the morning.

And I did. Alarm at 4:30. Up at 4:43. I dressed. Sauntered downstairs with my stomach feeling like it was retaining a cloud of gas but determined. And I ran. Ran the first 3.15 then had a drink of water. Considered stopping at 6 miles and finishing last mile tonight but that was quickly dismissed as ridiculous. especially since spencer's school was having their annual harvest party this evening. 1 mile easy; 5 miles @ tempo pace; 1 mile easy. I don't start slower than my tempo pace so I'm not sure how I would "speed up" to that. maybe i need to work on this. felt pretty good. hip started to hurt right toward the end but otherwise no real complaints. when i finished i was tired - not from running but sleepy tired. even had some caffeine today. a rare treat. but I am trying to invoke my new motto - 7 before 7. time to make a new habit.

running assessment with physical therapist in the morning. hopefully this will help the hip. and maybe tell me whatever else is wrong with my stride. i am a bit intimidated by the whole idea but intrigued as well. we shall see.

slope

2009-10-21T21:17:00.005-05:00

i'm having a randomly difficult time this week motivating. for training. or anything (getting up. working. walking the dog. reading. you name it i probably don't really want to do it). i have a lot of excuses. but none that are very good. most of it has just been life. and part of it has been the down slope of finishing a marathon. portland was great. i had a fantastic time. it was memorable. and i came home energized and ready to tackle anything. but then everything that composes everyday immediately made its way back in. and then some. this past weekend i had a stomach virus. no details necessary. and then my back and right hamstring (yes only right) were sore from deconstructing the garden. and i have been tired. and grumpy. and despising my job. not very conducive to anything. running would of course help all of this. and if i was running all of this would matter significantly less. its a vicious cycle. however on the upside i have probably been a better parent the past few weeks. a bit more present. more doting. more attentive. not sure if spencer appreciates that or if he is ready for me to get on with my training and leave him to his own devices. i am not stressing about training right now though. if i stress i take the fun out of it and defeat the purpose. just need a little motivation. a better perspective. and perhaps someone to run with...

"I carry you with me into the world,
into the smell of rain
& the words that dance between people
& for me, it will always be this way,
walking in the light,
remembering being alive together"
-RIP Tricia (1/26/75-10/21/07) and Jeremy (8/28/78-10/22/07)

2009-10-14T19:56:00.001-05:00

when i told spencer i registered for another marathon his response was "oh great".

how many days does it take?

2009-10-12T21:49:00.005-05:00

8 apparently. that is how many days it takes from one marathon for me to sign up for another. i am now registered to run the Surf City Marathon in Huntington Beach, California in february. with my dear friend kristen who will be running her first half. (and possibly amy and a few other colorado folks looking for a good time). i blame the snow. yes the snow. it snowed on saturday for the first time this season. not much. maybe half an inch but it was cold. about 26 when i went out running. there was black ice on the sidewalks. and my right contact froze to my eye. but it was still fun. and i remembered why i like running in the winter even as i was freezing parts of my arse off. or just my fingers. and then this morning. woke up to about 2 inches of wet snow. not on the roads or sidewalks as spencer astutely observed but on the cars, the grass, and the trees. yes the trees. the ones covered with lovely fall leaves in every shade of red, orange, yellow and brown. some even green. covered in snow. i love snow. it was gorgeous. just odd to see. a confirmed case of seasonal confusion disorder. my favorite thing to see was a car covered in snow that then had a pile of leaves that had fallen on top of the snow. there is something about the absurdity of it that is intriguing to me. i love it. anyhow. this may be the reason i registered. or maybe it was just an excuse. or the tipping point. i thrive on goals. i like to have boxes to color in yellow. and the shallow but honest part of me would prefer to not get fat over the winter. plus i would really like to have that coveted surfboard medal. i mean let's be realistic. how cool is that. it's a medal shaped like a surfboard. yeah i'll run another 26.2 miles for that. and in february when things are rather bleak here in the tundra. doesn't really seem like it was such a bad idea after all. now about that training through the plummeting temperature thing in the artic north thing...

stumptown recap

2009-10-07T20:03:00.014-05:00

portland was fantastic. delightful. memorable. not only the marathon but the city. the weekend. the company. all of it. essentially it far more than exceeded any expectations i may have had.

arrived on friday and met up with amy (sister in law and running partner from afar) and skye (friend of amy and now of me) who flew in from colorado and charlie (brother in law) who drove down from seattle. spent the next three days trying to have fun while balancing the stress and insanity inherent in preparing for a marathon. here's a taste of how it shook out:

food. the entire time i was in portland i ate delightful food. amy luckily has no inhibitions about talking to people so she asked for suggestions of restaurants from most everyone. and it definitely worked out well. we would go to one recommended place have great food and ask our server for their suggestion of another restaurant. we had come into town with one only reservation - our post-marathon meal - and it turned out to be all we needed. so among the highlights were breakfast at bijou, cafe (delectable oatmeal pancakes). pre-race dinner at at gino's (fantastic black cod). our celebratory dinner at nostrana (winter squash soup, straw and hay fettucini with a lemon cream sauce, and a barolo wine flight with aforementioned runners and crew and friends ajit, sandra, and maggie - need i say more). and the coffee at stumptown conveniently located attached to our hotel was nearly flawless. also made an evening run to voodoo doughnut. really more about the experience than the doughnuts but still (our experience included almost getting a contact high from the patrons behind us).

hotel. when we decided to run the portland marathon i shortly thereafter saw an article in the NYTimes on portland that mentioned the Ace hotel. it looked fun and cheaper than a lot of other options so we thought we would give it a go. despite an early mishap it did not disappoint. our room was a standard double. two double beds for four of us. could be a bit cozy considering i had not met my bed mate prior to marathon weekend but alas the bed was a generous size and skye was an amiable companion who i did not even know was in the same bed with me. the first night we all retired at a reasonable hour and all seemed well. that was until the alcohol started coursing through the veins of the patrons of the bar across the street. and then there was yelling. and laughing and all sorts of merriment. none of which i am opposed to. except when it is 1 in the morning and i am trying to sleep and it sounds like they are all in my room. i was not the only one experiencing this joy though at the time we were all unaware that one another was being affected by it. amy went down to the desk to complain and while they were unable to make any modifications at that time we were upgraded to a king suite for the two remaining nights and no extra cost! queen bed and two single beds. perfect for the four of us. everyone at the hotel was fantastic to speak to. all offered suggestions of places to eat and were genuinely concerned about the issues that occurred the first night. there are all sorts of fun and trendy aspects to the hotel as well - a photobooth in the lobby. a stumptown coffee attached. funny signs abound. comfy couches. i would definitely go back. and only two blocks from Powell's Books (the largest independent bookstore in the world) where i saw a homeless man talking on his cell phone. and not far from where another gentleman stopped me and said "i know this is odd but do you think you could spare some change so i can buy a gram?" what do you say in the face of such brutal honesty?

marathon. woke up around 4:30 and choked down half a power bagel. pounded some water. and then waited. basically thats what you do before a race. at least thats what i do. i get up. get dressed. eat something. drink. and then wait. trying not to get too nervous in the process. luckily amy and skye were in the same boat as i was so we all waited it out together with our super helpful one man cheering and support crew charlie. headed down to the start. it was still dark and about 45 degrees. overcast but pretty close to perfect running weather. ducked into a bally's to stay warm and use the restroom before the start. a few minutes before the start we headed out. divided up. i went to my slower start area. my travel companions to their much faster designated spot. and then within minutes we were off. and everything happened so quickly. even as it was taking hours. i tried to really pay attention to things so i would get the whole experience. there was some fantastic drummers about a mile or so in. the crowd support was amazing. around mile 3 was a hill. i had not seen any of the course so i didn't really know what to expect and there was some fun in that too. i had my garmin but i didn't really pay attention to it once it finally started working (initial issue picking up the signal because of being downtown between all the buildings). i just ran. we ran along the willamette river and through some industrial area and train area where i saw amy and skye. charlie caught up with me twice on his bike as well. through neighborhoods. on the shoulder of some highway-like road toward the st. john's bridge. there were definitely times it didn't feel fantastic but it never felt bad. i was just running.. i wasn't judging what i was doing. i was enjoying it. around mile 16.5 is the big hill to the bridge. a lot of people see it and start walking. i kept running. could not bring myself to walk when i came to run a marathon. it felt like i would be cheating myself (and i was happy to have run a good number of hills in my training). once i hit the bridge and it crests i could see mt. hood. it was absolutely breathtaking. and then back through more neighborhoods. slight downhill for a few miles. past a big adidas building with two huge sneaker sculptures. past the widmer beer brewery. back over a bridge or two. and then almost to the finish. a lot of people seemed to be succumbing to aches and pains and exhaustion by then. i just kept telling myself you don't want to look back and wonder why you walked. so i didn't. i kept running. my hip ached as it had for the past 18 miles but i pushed it out and finished with a PR. 34 minutes and 7 seconds faster than my previous marathon. not too bad. and i had a great time. amy and skye both set PR's as well. and besides a medal with a covered wagon on it (random) and a shirt i now have a sapling to plant.

i definitely ran happy.

the final countdown

2009-09-29T21:29:00.003-05:00

so this is it. the last few days before the marathon. and to be honest i am a bit. well - petrified. yes i have run a marathon before but something about that does not minimize what it is. and what it is is a very long run. and in this case it is a very long run. in another city i have never been to. without spencer or meredith. so i am feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. it kind of goes in waves though. and once i get on the plane and get to portland i am sure it will all be good.

this past weekend i made a concerted effort to gather some of my marathon essentials to prevent the last minute rush certain to occur on thursday as i am packing. on saturday i went searching for a new pair of running shorts. and after looking around for over an hour i came to the conclusion that in my spare time i should design women's running shorts for marathons. seriously people - put pockets in shorts. i am not asking for a lot here but throw me a bone. i decided not to waste my money. i will stick to my REI running shorts that have served me well with the one back pocket and just shove everything i can in there. i was able to find a good shirt to wear for the marathon though. nike. light blue. fitted. and it was on clearance because it was a small. bonus.

sunday i headed back to REI to pick up clif bloks (i can't do gels) to shove into that tiny pocket in the back of my shorts and some luna moons. the portland marathon does serve gummy bears on the course (a fact that i must admit was somewhat persuasive when selecting a marathon) but i like to have my own nutrition just in case. so i think i have the what to wear and what to consume during the race parts of the plan nailed down. i even located a "throw away" shirt to wear at the start since it will likely be a bit chilly since portland, even after a questionable beginning fall start, finally got the memo that it is indeed autumn.

ran my ten miles on sunday. 6 laps around lake como. i did it almost as a fulfillment of an ongoing joke with myself. all through my training whenever i could not think of where to run i would figure out how many laps it would be around lake como. but i never actually ran them. so this week i did. it is a nice run. pretty and quiet. the laps didn't feel great but i actually ended up running them much faster than planned or anticipated so i must have been doing something right. hip pain started right at mile six. same pain that i felt initially in the 20 miler. and then again in last weeks 13 mile run. only long runs and usually only after 8 miles or so. dull ache. radiates a bit down my leg. not a fan. i stretched it. i iced it. it doesn't hurt when i walk or climb stairs or do anything else so i will keep plugging along and hope for the best. trying to stretch it out. and rest it as much as possible before sunday.

was able to get sadie out in the gorgeous weather for a walk this weekend too. she loves the fall. or at least i think she does. but maybe i am just projecting.

tonight i picked spencer up and we went to the library with owen and danette for a bit. always a fun venture though tonight we were actually told to have the boys quiet down. this was oddly when there was no one else in the childrens section of the library at all and the librarian just decided to be a tool. we were not pleased. the boys were behaving quite well and talking like four year olds. weird how that happens. anyhow when we got home i ran my last intervals before the marathon. i was a bit concerned about the hip since it was still feeling a bit wonky yesterday but i did a few stretches pre-run and set off on the treadmill as spencer ate his dinner. 1.25 mile warmup, 6 x 400, 1.25 cool-down. total 4.5 miles. a short run. but it felt good. and then i read a book to spencer and ate dinner.

weird to think that in a week i will be sitting here again but i will have been to portland and back. the marathon will have been run. and i will likely be typing up a race report. i think i'm ready to run through the streets of portland.

the last real tempo

2009-09-24T20:05:00.004-05:00

tonight was the last "real" tempo run before the marathon. and it was delightful. 2 mile warmup. 1 mile fast. 2.5 miles slightly at actual slated tempo pace (slightly less fast than previous mile). .75 mile cooldown. i wanted to keep going. just one of those runs where you feel loose and everything is flowing and you feel right. but alas i could not keep running. at least not for this run. just what is scheduled. nothing more (well a little more but who is counting). nothing less. it feels good to finish strong though. of course there are three more runs (10 miles this weekend, short intervals, and then a mild three miler) before portland. three more chances to work my legs and think things through and step into my element before race day but as far as actual tempo runs. this was it. and it was good. i'll take it.

mental games

2009-09-23T20:04:00.003-05:00

tapering kinda, well, sucks. it makes you think about all of the ridiculous things that could happen. all of the missteps you took. all of the things you should have done. and could have done. it makes you wonder if you are really ready. and all of the possibilities of what could happen on race day bounce around inside your head. and of course all of this happens in the midst of everything else that is going on in your life. all while you slowly withdraw from running.
sunday i ran 13.5 miles. it was a nice run. first half felt great. second half had a few minor glitches but overall a good run. and yesterday i had my intervals. some 1000's. i was tired. really tired actually when i started. felt like a bloated hippopotamus. and after one song my ipod stopped working. completely. i think it is dead. after the mile warmup the first two 1000's were not enjoyable. during the third i focused on my form and it went quickly. the last two were okay. i tried to envision the end of the marathon (a little difficult to do since i have never been on this course let alone stepped foot in the state of oregon but still). and then a mile cooldown. so 6 miles when all was said and done. then i built spencer a tent in the living room out of blankets. made him pizza and grapes for dinner. and we even got in a rousing round of dora the explorer memory. i get 6 more miles tomorrow. i am almost holding on to them desperately at this point because i am allotted so few this week. it's hard to explain to people who don't run. or even those who don't run a decent amount on a regular basis. running. or maybe more so training adds this sort of order to things. and provides this outlet for energy and frustration and anything else that is going on. its a way to clear your head. and for the past few months it has been how i order my days. running and non-running days. this all sounds so dramatic. and really it isn't. tapering is necessary. down time is important. just need somewhere else to divert my attention right now.

twiddling my thumbs

2009-09-18T19:17:00.003-05:00

so i just decided after a bit of contemplation that i can't run in the morning. i am slated for 13. i have been trying to figure out where exactly to run for the past few days since there seem to be 5K's, 10K's and even a trail half-marathon on the courses i usually run. does this mean i could not run there? of course not. it just means i don't want to. and then one of my favorite routes is getting torn up. literally ripped up with tractors and bull dozers. there are piles of dirt and chunks of asphalt all over. great for plyometrics perhaps but not for just straight running. (and as an aside perhaps not the best laid plan by the city with the hometown marathon coming up in oh, two weeks and yes this is on the ten miler course...).

anyhow i had narrowed down my options and figured out that i could run around lake como nine times. or i could start super early avoiding the 5K madness hit a few hills and run relatively close to a course i like along the river. but it is not meant to be. at least not right this moment. i have a been a bit under the weather. not a huge deal to me. until tonight when i suddenly have a fever. yuck. i could run with it. but i am trying to be smart about this and not run myself down and let it mutate into something else with only two weeks to go to portland. problem is i don't really know what to do when i am not running on a saturday morning...so we will see how that goes. maybe i will be miraculously better.

acting like everything is easy

2009-09-16T18:37:00.002-05:00

for whatever reason everything seems to get complicated every once in a while. not bad. or difficult. just complicated. today i saw something that said: "what if we just acted like everything was easy?" it seems simplistic. or even ridiculous. but in a way that might be enough.

Get Ready to Rock

2009-09-13T07:46:00.005-05:00

20 miles. early on in my training for this marathon i decided to register for an organized run for my longest run for a few reasons. motivation. a set route. not having to carry the water. and it was a bit of test to myself. running on your own is a different sort of test. often test of wills and certainly endurance and strength but when you are in a race of any sort there is added pressure that in many ways can potentially be good for you if you don't push too hard while in training for something else. i went into this run with a bit of trepidation. not that i wasn't ready. but it is still 20 miles and it was a small field so the chances of me finishing last were heightened a bit. yup i'm still slow. but the more i thought about it the less i cared. i decided that my goal for the day would be to go in to it and have a good time and smile. and not push too hard to hurt myself before portland.

so after resting my legs for two full days to ease a strange pain at the top of my tibia (think deep bruise like someone whacked me with a hammer while i was sleeping or i clumsily walked into something and have no recall and no i have not been drinking thank you very much) i woke up yesterday morning ready to go. i was nervous as i always am pre-race. even if i wasn't running this event as a "race" per se but rather a structured training run. so i ate half a power bagel, drank some water, gave spencer some juice and a fruit strip and headed out the door. made my way to the event site some 25 minutes away and waited for things to get started. aside from the 20 miler there was also a 10K and a 5K. it was a small scale operation. maybe 300-400 people combined for all events. those running the 20 miler - maybe 120 of us were called to the start and off we went. it was edging up to 70 degrees. a touch humid but otherwise acceptable. a four and a half mile jaunt through white bear lake followed by two laps around bald eagle lake. because of the size of the field the course was not closed so we were running on the shoulder of tight roads with traffic on a saturday morning through a smaller town. for the most part i wasn't too concerned about getting run over but it wasn't exactly what i am used to. (i definitely appreciate living in a city with an amazing park and trail system - thank you minneapolis!) i had my ipod with me but i didn't listen to it initially. i figured that perhaps a few miles in i would get bored and need a little diversion. didn't end up happening. i didn't look at my watch. i just kept running. thanked the volunteers i saw along the way and kept going. for a few miles i thought i was last. and i was actually okay with that. i decided early on that it didn't matter. i was running 20 miles. for me. not to beat anyone else. not to prove a point or beat a time or because i had to. as the miles stacked up i passed a few people and realized i wasn't the last one. stopped at mile 11 to use the restroom and saw my time. thought things were going a-okay for me. as i was passing mile 12 or 13 the guy who won the race ran past me to turn off the lake and head to the finish - i looked at the volunteer and said "i think i'll just take another lap". overall it was a great run. ran into the finish to see mere and spencer and sadie waiting for me. always appreciated. i love my family! it's great to have something to look forward to at the finish (besides just stopping). ended up finishing over 27 minutes faster than the the 20 mile mark in the marathon i ran 2 years ago so i guess i am getting somewhere. and i didn't get hurt. so i guess i'm officially ready to rock.

parenting from the treadmill

2009-09-08T17:54:00.006-05:00

spencer does not really like when i "go" running. he likes that i run but not when i leave. i remember when i first took up running two years ago and spencer would sob at the door when i left to go run. this has definitely improved as he approaches age five but there are days when he makes it very clear that he just does not want me to run. actually that might not be true - he does not mind if i run but he would like me to do it here - on the treadmill. being four is tough. and one of the things about being four is that you don't always remember everything (some things you have freakish recall for like losing your marble down the heater three years ago and what a certain lego you need right now looks like but other potentially significant things not so much) like winter or more specifically - winter in Minnesota. that time of year when everything is bitterly cold and going outside is somewhat akin to being slapped repeatedly and then dipped in a vat of acid. what does this have to do with anything? the point is right now is the time to get outside. it is gorgeous. the past few weeks have been remarkable. nearly perfect weather-wise. yet yesterday morning i found myself pounding out 8 miles on my treadmill. because i felt guilty as i laced up my shoes and spencer begged me to not go anywhere. to just stay here. to just run on the treadmill. to please please please not leave. it's hard to argue with. and meredith was still sleeping. yes she would have gotten up but she is busy (read crazy busy) with work right now so i will offer up whatever concessions i can. and the run was good so that isn't the issue. i was trying to figure out today though why spencer wants me to run here. essentially i am "parenting from the treadmill". i swear every time i step on something in my childs brain goes haywire. rather than sitting quietly watching a tv show he gets up and jumps around, starts poking the dog, throws things, runs back and forth. i'm not sure if he thinks i step into a void when i run (wouldn't that be nice), but i often find myself barking out "sit down", "stop poking the dogs nose", "don't throw that". but i guess it might be true that just being here is sometimes what is appreciated...

last night spencer told me point blank that i run too much. this of course i find interesting because i think i need to step up my game and run more. three days a week. somewhat of a bare minimum in my opinion. but space and time do not always allow for such things right now. but today i started thinking about it as i sorted through my parental guilt. and i did a little math (very little math - i am a lawyer not a mathematician) and between spencer being at school/daycare while i work and sleeping (apparently important for growing children) i spend under 50 waking hours with my kid a week. this does not subtract the time spend commuting, meal prep, getting ready, etc. when conversation or any potentially meaningful time together is squandered. yup the time just drips away. and then i run. i run when spencer is awake. and when he is home. because it just so happens that is when i am home as well. (weird how that happens). so depending on the week i am spending on average 6 hours just running. and then there is the pre-run preparation (minimal) and post-run deconstruction (i.e. eating, icing, showering) add another hour or two and any transportation to runs (if i do get outside which i do for practically all long runs) and we are up to 8 or 9 hours a week. so of the less than 50 hours a week i see my kid i then spend 8 of them running or in a running related activity. so for the sake of easy division let's say 8 out of 48 hours or 1/6 of my time when spencer is awake. yup seems like a lot. running is important to me. it keeps me centered. and grounded. and it helps me to be a better parent. but nothing NOTHING comes before my kid. guess i will be getting up a bit earlier to try to squeeze in my running before the boy's waking hours...

so i guess that's the question: are there really 24 usable hours in every day?

walk the dog

2009-09-07T21:10:00.005-05:00

some things should just be as simple as that. walking the dog. just going outside. and taking a few steps with my dog beside me. and sometimes spencer. and occasionally even meredith. she is so happy to be outside walking even when it is evident that she is exhausted (which thanks to a bit of conditioning now takes at least several miles). when we first adopted sadie it was pretty clear she was never exercised and it has taken a while but the skinny dog trapped inside of her is finally making its way out (despite her repeated counter surfing efforts...)

today we had the chance to take sadie swimming for a bit. throw a ball in the water and she will swim out to it but she refuses to bring it back. a stick on the other hand and she is thrilled. this particular stick we have been driving around with for several months now. as you can see sadie loves to swim... and she is quite good at it. maybe she can teach me!

you can't win 'em all

2009-09-05T11:13:00.004-05:00

this week i ran negative splits. followed by the worst run in recent memory. sort of like the rollercoaster of running. mirrors life a bit to be certain.

i am not all that surprised this mornings run did not go well. yesterday my stomach was revolting against me. and this morning it felt like it was on fire. should know better than to eat anything highly acidic before a run. i was minimizing the run a bit because it was only ten miles. and after most of my recent long runs ten miles wasn't much. but it was still ten. need to respect that a bit more i think...but it is done. and my weekend can move forward now.

back to the better news. the negative splits. for anyone who cares. negative splits are when you run the second half of a race or run faster than the first half. this is a good thing because it shows you can pace yourself and finish strong. mine was mostly unintentional. but great all the same. i had an unexpected opportunity to run on one of my favorite trails wednesday night that finally reopened after being closed for most of the summer (so sidewalks could be interspersed across it - nice but random). gorgeous evening and i had about an hour before sunset when meredith was home and everything just came together so i just started running. i wasn't paying attention to my time. planned to run 6 miles. out and back. it is relatively flat. ran out up to the hill at the end. and then turned around. i felt like i was moving at a reasonable pace but nothing too fast. decided to try to push it a little on the way back. just kept running. and running. until i saw my car. stopped my watch. looked down and was pleasantly surprised. i have mentioned before i don't run fast. i still wasn't running fast. but i was running faster. and i was happy with what i had done.

need to finish icing my leg (minor twinges of pain seeping in that i am attempting to stave off). eat some food. and mow my lawn. promised sadie dog i would walk her three times this weekend. meredith thinks it's funny that i make sure to fulfill my promises to the dog but i'm pretty sure she knows when i don't. and i think it's important for spencer the follow through as well. mere and spencer are at the farmers market and should be returning with a bounty of goods shortly. looking forward to my long lazy weekend. even after my lousy run :-)

2009-09-02T22:04:00.004-05:00

my toes hate me

even though you never win.

2009-08-31T21:07:00.004-05:00

quiet weekend. phenomenal weather and a chance to spend some time with my family. back to the grind today. tracked the ironman louisville results yesterday. i must say i am inspired. and absolutely in awe the accomplishments of all the athletes who took part. amazing.

as for myself things continue on a much small scale - intervals this evening after a completely uneventful day at work. 10 x 400's. felt strong. basically you can do almost anything for a quarter mile at a time if you set your mind to it. but ten times in a row takes a bit of work. finished it out with a mile and a half cool down. 6 miles total. this week is a cut back week which feels strange but i am trying to just go with the flow.

the other day spencer randomly told me "i like that you run even though you never win". i love that kid.

18 miles of memories

2009-08-28T20:07:00.012-05:00

this morning i ran 18 miles for my cousin jeremy. its hard to explain exactly what its like to run for someone. but in a way it was almost like running with someone. i have had so many unanswered questions. so many lingering doubts. so many things i wish i had said or done. and i wonder if any of them would have made a difference in his life. so for a few hours this morning as it rained and as i confronted hills and ran over bridges i thought about it all. i thought about what it was like when we were kids. i remembered going to the duck pond together. and going to where his mom used to work. i thought about how quick he was with a computer yet how unable he was to focus on almost anything else. i remembered how people would tell us we looked like twins or at least siblings when we were little. and then i tried to figure out exactly where things started to go wrong. or at least when things changed so substantially that it was hard to get back on track. drugs factored in so heavily so early. i dabbled. he dove. and then it all just spun out of control. i caught snippets of his life through conversations. through family gossip. through newspaper clippings. but there were always at least a few times a year when we would see each other and still be able to talk about whatever. and still remember how things had been before it all got so complicated.

we both graduated high school 12 years ago and after that i can't say our paths ever really crossed again in any meaningful way. but the silence was occasionally interrupted by these significant telephone conversations. times when jeremy was in treatment or trying to stop using and focusing so very hard on finding a way out. but he carried this burden. and this shame that he could never seem to shake no matter how hard he tried. and no matter how hard anyone else tried to help him. and then nearly two years ago it all ended abruptly. unintentionally. the pain was no more. at least for him.

it makes me sad to think that he never met my son. never got a chance to know this amazing human that i am trying to help carve a place for in the world. but i think they would have gotten along swimmingly.

today would have been his 31st birthday. i miss my cousin. i miss my friend. but i was happy to at least be able to run with him.

minding the weather

2009-08-27T09:33:00.002-05:00

You know I would prefer a 70% chance of thunderstorms to a 30% chance of them. At least then I would not be tempted to chance it. sure if it were a 5 mile run why not. But for 18 miles, not so sure that is a great idea. rain I deal with. But can you stop to rest under a tree in a thunderstorm, it isn’t really advisable. I guess I will be reworking the plan a bit. 180 laps at the gym. Is that really an option. 18 miles on the treadmill. is that an option either. 60 laps. 6 miles on the treadmill. 60 more laps. Possible. And knowing the way things usually work out it won’t even rain. Is better safe than sorry really a good adage?

when it doesn't help

2009-08-26T21:12:00.004-05:00

Some days no matter how much i need to run and how much i want a run to make me feel better i still get nothing. today was one of those days. and it wasn't even like there was anything really wrong all day, just a general malaise. a feeling (coupled with proof) of being slighted by a few people lately. but really just an overall feeling of discontent that had settled on me and would not let up so everything was a bit more irritating than usual. my abiding hope all day was that if i could just get home i could go for a run and everything would be better. this usually holds true. i was tempted to leave work early but since spencer was blessed with bike day AND jumper day at school today me showing up early would not have been met with much excitement so i held off as long as possible. and got grumpier and grumpier. but finally we made it home around 6. it was a gorgeous evening but since mere is still at the red and khaki cult meeting i was relegated to the treadmill. not a bad thing just craved movement. so i started running. tempo run. 6 miles. and i was so annoyed when i started but i figured it would dissipate, just melt away. first mile was okay. second mile sucked. my leg started to hurt and i contemplated stopping and tacking the miles on saturday instead. decided to keep pushing a bit. the next few miles felt good as i got into a rhythm and stopped thinking about anything. i was calm and just running. realized i needed to feed my boy so i stopped for 3 minutes and grabbed some food for him and hopped back on. sipped some ultima that took me nearly 5 weeks to locate (if you are going to race with it you should train with it is only helpful when you can actually find it). stopping turned out to not be the best idea. ugh i just didn't want to run anymore but who stops with two miles left. ridiculous. so i ran to five. and then once i hit 5 i cranked up the speed and ran the last mile fast. because i could. as a whole the run was not good. even thinking about it now i don't feel satisfied. happy to have run of course but not happy with the run. iced the leg and now i am looking forward. hopefully this feeling of whateverness is out of the way and i can make way for a great 18 miler i get to run on friday.

boredom. and a great blog.

2009-08-25T20:39:00.004-05:00

today was a weird day. i hate being bored at work. it gives me nothing to do but think. and thinking tends to get me in trouble. because i come up with plans. usually some sort of grand plans for what i should be doing. not always a bad thing. its actually how i started running in the first place. work related boredom. same employer, different job. apparently utility is not a strong suit anywhere within the company. anyhow that was where i signed up for the snowshoe 5k. and then an actual 5k sans the snowshoes. and then a marathon. (because yes, that is a normal progression of things) not even two and a half years ago. problem is now i am balancing too many other competing interests that i can't commit to anything that far out. usually i would sign up and then i would wonder what the heck i was thinking but my body would follow my unwitting mind and it would be game on - let the training begin. but not now. not while i keep holding on to the hope that we can possibly try to expand the family in the near future. and it isn't even just that it's also the time commitment. and the time available in the day. i have to question my ability to parent sometimes while i am training for anything. sure i get spencer up and dressed and fed and to school. and then i pick him up and make sure he is fed and read to and even occasionally clean but i need to do more. he is a pretty great kid and he is my priority so i have to always keep that in the forefront of my mind. running is somewhat easy. at least as far as training with kids goes. while it certainly isn't my first option i can turn on the tv and let him be entertained for a bit while i knock out some intervals or a tempo run on the treadmill. mere covers long runs. it is the one time i know i can get out of the house for a few hours alone and just run. but cross-training is more difficult. getting to the gym is harder. sure mere is around but she works a lot. and travels a lot. and it just doesn't always fit. i don't really know how people make it work. perhaps they are more dedicated than i am. or perhaps they just have a better plan...

complete aside, but something that has been both a source of inspiration and a great way to use my time while at work...over the weekend i stumbled across a great blog (milesandmadness.blogspot.com) by a kick ass woman training for an ironman this weekend. she is pretty hardcore and i am pumped for her and i don't even know her!

endurance

2009-08-23T09:14:00.004-05:00

i find myself drawn to bigger challenges. things i never thought i would want to do. i will just sit on that for a while and let it fester in my mind while i sort out the details and decide if i will actually take the leap. a lot of moving parts. and a big commitment. we shall see.

"We run, not because we think it is doing us good, but because we cannot help ourselves."

- Sir Roger Bannister

getting to run

2009-08-22T16:10:00.003-05:00

what a difference one week. 20 degrees. and a shift of perspective make. it would seem i have been looking at this whole running thing all wrong. getting bogged down in the details. intervals. tempo runs. long runs. am i eating enough protein? making my times? getting in the proper rest days etc? so much of it has started to feel like, well, work. and it shouldn't. no one makes me run. this certainly is not my job. quite honestly, i am not all that good at it. i am the first to admit i am not likely to be breaking any records any time soon. or coming out on top of my age group. but yet i keep running. because i love it. because it makes me feel alive. and because it offers me just a little bit of sanity and perspective. but all of this tends to get lost sometimes. i am not sure when the light bulb went off this week. monday i did not want to run. in the morning i woke up and was working from home. since i was here and had some time i thought i should run. after two miles of feeling like i was committed to forced labor i decided to stop. reconvened in the afternoon because i was supposed to. another 2.5 miles in the salt mines. i was angry at myself for how i felt. but i stopped because i remembered that i run because i like it and if i am hating it i should not be running. possibly the best thing i could have done though i didn't really think much of it at the time. wednesday i put in my prescribed short long run for week 13 as i previously discussed. and today i was slated for 9. it was a perfectly delightful run. i pushed my pace. enjoyed the paths and the scenery. loved the weather. carried water and didn't doubt what i was doing. it just worked. things feel into place. i appreciated the opportunity that i was able to run. able to spend time outside on a beautiful saturday morning in august doing something that i love.

and what it all comes down to is: no one is making me run. sure it might be scrawled on a training schedule on my refrigerator but not following it will not change anything. luckily i get the chance to run. and i will try to remember to keep appreciating those opportunities.

a notch on the belt

2009-08-20T20:48:00.004-05:00

yesterday i was slated for 9. but it felt oddly good. better than most runs have felt lately. so i kept running. and put in 13. my long run for the week. i never thought i would run 13 miles on a treadmill but it didn't seem like anything. and what was even better was this morning i felt fantastic. it signaled a bit of a shift in my training. i'll take it. and run with it so to speak.

last weekend was a 16 miler. i realized that even when i trained for twin cities i miossed my 16 miler due to a foot injury. so this time everything was set. i picked the route and had everything ready beforehand. hydration pack and clif bloks good to go. music on tap. all was well. a bit more humid and warmer than i would have liked but it is august after all. started running with the hydration pack but it was bulky so i left it in the car. bad idea. felt dehydrated early on. stopped at every water fountain but it just didn't feel like enough. i pressed on and made it through. i think i forgot how far 16 miles actually is. essentially i ran from home to my sons school. and back. pretty far. strange. and amazing all at the same time. done by 10 in the morning. stretched. ate. drank. kept moving by mowing the lawn. and all was well. again legs felt good the next day. new post-run routine seems to be working well.

all in all things seem to be coming together in training. summer is screeching to an end. spd is fantastic as usual. and i will keep putting one foot in front of another.

like a hole in the head

2009-08-10T17:41:00.004-05:00

sometimes motivation comes in the strangest forms. you run not because you are trying to reach something but because you are trying to get past something else. find a way. or make a way. as long as you get it done it should matter seems to be the guiding principle. or at least it should be.

off to run my intervals. and while they might suck. i'm not sure they will feel worse than the feeling of having the wind knocked out of me. repeatedly. by mere words almost daily. twice today.

half

2009-08-02T16:47:00.005-05:00

yesterday morning was a half marathon. honestly if you asked me two weeks ago if i thought i would be running in it i would have laughed. but after last weekends rave run and my new found dedication all things were a go. so i picked up my packet on friday. got everything ready in the evening and was up at 5 am. this was actually the first half marathon i ran two years ago. and i volunteered on last year when my leg was in a boot. so i am familiar with the course. there is something very idyllic about it. it is smaller. just over one thousand people. it is a green race. and it runs through parks. neighborhoods. and green areas. overall a nice course. and the weather was nearly perfect to match. it rained overnight but by morning it was about 60. clear and cool. no complaints. the run itself was good. just short of mile 6 i had a debilitating side stitch. usually i can run through them but this was one of those knife in the side type of stitches so i walked for a few minutes to try to sort things out. the cramp loosened and i was able to get back on my way. stomach felt a bit weird the whole way so i was not doing well with taking water or powerade but it was not hot so i was not overly concerned. and i finished i reasonable form.

looking back there was no point where i was exhausted. no place where i thought i could not keep going. should i have pushed myself more? possibly. probably. definitely. hindsight is always 20/20 though. i did manage to pull in a PR. by nearly 9 minutes from the last time i ran the course. and about 8 minutes faster than my last (and fastest) half 14 months ago. so it was definitely a step in the right direction. but it still doesn't feel like enough to me. i run a lot. and yet i feel like the improvements are minimal. not sure how to yield bigger results. i know i should be happy with the changes that i have wrought thus far. and i am. but i know if i dig deeper there is so much more i can do. i just need to find a way to pull it out.

it other life news. my dear friend kate got married. to a delightful chap frank. wish i could have been there to celebrate with them.

rave run

2009-07-28T19:06:00.005-05:00

so since i started running and reading runners world i have been searching for a rave run. i have spent 2 weeks traipsing across the italian countryside and didn't find it. (more because we spent the time over-imbibing in fresh pasta and wine than looking for great places to run but still - we didn't get in a rave run.) this weekend though i found it. turns out that what i have been looking for all over was right in front of me. granted what made the rave run a truly rave run was not just the locale but the company. and the state of mind. i was surprised by my running partner from afar. at a time when i really needed it. much more than i think she will ever know. she just appeared at my house. all the way from colorado. on friday night i was surprised to wake up and find her standing in my house. here. in minnesota. so the plan was set. we were up at 5am saturday morning. the weather was delightful. blue skies. cool. the sun was rising over the river before us. picturesque. and we ran. and talked. it is a route i have run. at least in part. innumerable times before. but failed to really see. until then. for one of the first times in my life 13 miles seemed like both enough. and not enough. at the same time. there is something to be said for enjoying not only the run. or the adrenaline. or the conversation. or the camaraderie. as well as the gorgeous winding paths on a tree lined path overlooking the mississippi. but the experience as a whole. and that is what made this a truly rave run.

tempo

2009-07-22T21:22:00.005-05:00

tempo run for tonight was 8 miles. longer than most tempo runs admittedly but it was a good run. i will be honest here. i stopped at 4.3 miles for about 7 minutes to get dinner for my boy. since i was generally neglecting my parenting duties by parking him in front of the television so i could get my run in it seemed the least i could do. i provided the boy with his food. a beverage. even some fruit. and hopped back on the treadmill to push out the rest. and i did. ended up with 8.29 miles. not a bad nights work. especially for the treadmill. and it needed to be done for my piece of mind. i woke up in the middle of the night panicking. i have missed the last few long runs. two due to vacation. and one due to general malaise. laziness. whatever you want to label it. whatever you call it it didn't happen. so i am getting a bit nervous. the marathon is in 73 days. just 73 days. i am choosing to count it in weeks because 10 and a half weeks seems so much better than 73 days. and i am clearly deluding myself if i ever think that number is now going to drop out of my memory. for anyone who knows me and my freakish insistence on counting days for everything. yup highly unlikely. anyhow i woke up panicking. talked myself down and went back to sleep. then today as i was at work and staring at my training schedule with its sad empty unhighlighted boxes i started to get that feeling in the pit of my stomach again. the one where you wonder what you were thinking and if it is too late to say no i was clearly insane. just kidding. please ignore me. so this run while insignificant in the scheme of things was significant to me for exactly those reasons. it served as a little bit of a reminder that yes i can do this. and yes i have done it before. my body might fight me but it will accommodate if i take care of it. my mind on the other hand is definitely the more obstinate of the group and needs a little more coercing.

it's only wednesday night. two days to not have to rush to get up and worry about running. should i get up and cross train. definitely. will i. honestly. probably not. that isn't to say i won't go for a walk tomorrow at work. or jump rope later. or do some core exercises. but i will likely not be up at 5 stretching and jumping about. then again stranger things have happened. saturdays run is slated for 13. i think I am looking bridge to bridge. probably broadway to ford or something similar. i will nail down the details tomorrow. i had contemplated throwing a 10k in the middle but it's a bit cost prohibitive and i am slated for a race next weekend so maybe running to run this weekend is the best idea. we shall see. for now i am just appreciating my ability to run. my accommodating child. and the luxury of a treadmill in my living room. sometimes it helps to not forget that i am doing all of this because it is what i want. and i am just fortunate enough to be able to live out those dreams.

dawn of a new decade

2009-07-20T22:15:00.003-05:00

and then she was thirty. ushering in a new decade. trying to think of all of the things i would say to myself. from outside of myself. if given the opportunity. or if i took the opportunity. and one that continues to press forth is: keep running.

managed to get a few miles in today. warmup. intervals. cooldown with ice cream. well worth it. tomorrow i am back on task. need to get my head in the game. doing things because i want to. and because i can.

i think 30 has a lot of potential.

new shoes.

2009-07-17T21:33:00.004-05:00

so last week we went away. a whirlwind east coast tour. after my purchase of new shoes. my old ones had about 350-400 miles on them so i decided it was about time. while i enjoy new shoes i also do not enjoy getting new running shoes. there always seems to be something slightly off about them. you never can actually get the exact same shoe you had. the shoe i had been running in. the post stress fracture shoe if you will is no longer available. the same brand of course. the same name definitely. but i had version 10 and they are already on version 12. apparently they make these quicker than models of new cars. after trying on 5 different pairs of shoes and running up and down the sidewalk in front of my somewhat friendly neighborhood running store. in my work clothes. i opted for an entirely different brand. thought i would branch out. go a different direction. the box even thanked me for purchasing them and said they were my new running partner. it seemed meant to be. as i was driving home though i began to have a gnawing pain in my shin reminiscent of my stress fracture. sure i am a bit hyper sensitive in the general area but this was different. i shrugged it off and attributed it to the fact that i had run in 5 different pairs of shoes in the past hour. the next day as i frantically cleaned the house before embarking on our trip i pulled on my new shoes to work them in. felt a bit off. but they are new i thought. pulled out post stress fracture shoes. and previous shoes. and smart feet insoles. did a few tests. things were not seeming so good. decided to give it a run test. hoped on the treadmill. after a quarter mile it was clear this was not going to work. put in a mile and the shin pain was back. was a vengeance. i returned the shoes. and went with version 12. of the post stress fracture shoe. took a little getting used to. have been through about 6 different lacing patterns but **knock on something** they seem okay now. and i kind of even like them.

running to run

2009-06-30T21:15:00.001-05:00

so today i ran. to run. not far. just 6 miles. but it made me remember why i run. and why i like running. why it feels good to be outside and have the air running through your hair. your heart racing. pushing yourself to keep moving forward just because you want to not because you have to.

saturday i ran 11.5. it was hot. and humid and raining. and i did it. because i was supposed to. and because i wanted to. but in a different way.

things have been a struggle lately. not just running but most things. i am not sure what i am doing. not sure what i want to be doing. not sure how to make it all better. i will keep trying to figure it out though as long as i can.

defeat?

2009-06-23T21:15:00.002-05:00

so 13 didn't work out so well. i could offer excuses. some good. some bad. some dead center. it is what it is. i ran 5. then i ran another 1.5. so essentially half of what i set out to do. i spent the weekend beating myself up over it. and most of yesterday. and then i got over it. it is what it is. and what it was was a bad day. they happen. but really they are flukes. unless they happen a lot. in which case i would reevaluate. but for the most part things have been going pretty well. i have been moving forward. taking care of myself and getting things done.

i reassessed my training schedule. put things in perspective and am back on track. ran just over 5 this morning. even in the sweltering heat. it was a good run. i felt like i accomplished something. and it wasn't hard. trying at times sure, but hard no. i have plans for the next two runs. plans to get things done properly. plans to get myself to portland. i figure i will wait until i return from the east coast to buy my plane ticket but aside from that there is nothing stopping me. i am excited. and i know it is for the best.

i have been grumpy. i think that is the best way to describe it. there has been something almost unshakeable lately. i don't want to feel this way and yet i do. the littlest things seem to get under my skin. i know what i want. and i know what i have wanted. and the realization. or perhaps the continuing realization that it all keeps getting pushed further and further back is hard for me to swallow. it isn't an excuse. just an explanation. i am trying to be cognizant of it so i can reign it in as much as possible. not fair to my boy. he is a good kid. may have trouble listening but that happens when you are 4 apparently.

so much to figure out. so much to do. i refuse to be defeated. you may have won the battle. but definitely not the war.

looking 13 in the eye

2009-06-19T17:10:00.002-05:00

so tomorrow i get to run 13 miles. or as i like to think of it - 3.25 miles four times. just seems better that way. small digestible bits. i am feeling a bit sorry for myself that i will be running by myself. and this is the shortest of the long runs so i guess i should get used to it. it is a good time for me to think. or not think. and just let go. but it also helps to have someone along for the ride if you will. either way it will get done. running around 4 lakes seemed ridiculous. but i did consider running around one lake 9 times. i don't pretend these things make sense. it is what it is. i am leaning towards an out and back. twice. i think that will be the best way to go with this one. i will need to do some better planning for the rest of the runs. but focusing on just tomorrow seems best.

this week marked the first official week of training for the marathon. and it went well. beginning of the week was a bit marred with migraines but running waits for no one. well not usually. anyhow. i ran intervals monday night. 5.55 miles. good workout. felt good. slept great. wednesday ran tempo. 6.25 miles. more of a trying workout. still making an effort to get a handle on my nutrition. i am not hungry all that often right now so i don't really eat that much. yogurt. cereal. a sandwich for dinner. i need to figure out where to get the most bang for my buck.

we shall see what tomorrow brings.

good behavior

2009-06-14T20:25:00.003-05:00

so i took the weekend off. all the way off. no running. no cross-training. no anything. the closest i came to it was a short walk with the dog. visiting dog tucker. msp and my boy on his bike. i needed it. things have been a bit tentative i suppose is a good word for it. i have had a cluster of migraines for over 9 days now. opted to take the dive and take a preventative medication. for some reason this feels like failure to me. on a number of levels. and it does nothing to treat the existing issue but hopefully it will afford some relief in the near future of other migraines. though really i feel a bit zombified. i am tired. and dizzy. and just a bit out of it all. feel like i need to shake it off. not let the unintended effects define how i am feeling. but it has been a bit of a challenge honestly. realize i spend too much of my time complaining so i am vowing to work on that.

this week is the official start to training. 16 weeks to portland. i know what i need to do to get there so i just need to focus. work hard. and not get hurt. i think i should be okay. i need this. standing on the brink of 30 and beginning to wonder what i am doing. it will all come together. piece by tiny piece.

something to say

2009-06-07T08:51:00.002-05:00

so i realized that lately the only time i write on here is when i feel like it has been too long. or like i have something important to say. this morning for whatever reason i just realized that i usually have something to say. even if it is insignificant. or ranting. or whatever. and this is a seemingly good place to say it. so alas. i will try to write more. i should be running but i am slightly hung over at the moment honestly. wedding last night. should have stopped at 3 questionable glasses of pinot noir. but of course, i didn't. oh well. i need to let go once in a while and have a good time. spd asked the bride and then her sister to dance. it was very cute. my boy can move. i wore a dress. all in all it was a good evening.

now i just need to kick this headache so i can get the 6 mile tempo run in. luckily i had the opportunity and the forethought to get my long run in on thursday afternoon. i was home most of the week with the boy since he was sick with some sort of nebulous virus that produced a fever. and then vomiting. good fun. anyhow, having a treadmill and a little free time was useful. ran 9 at a reasonable pace - actually faster than required. though i will be honest that of course that is easier to do on a treadmill - you set the speed and make your feet move. nevertheless it was done and it felt pretty good. iced the leg to prevent future injury. decided to wait it out until today to run again. so i need to get in 6. bring the total for the week to 21. not a huge total but i think this is a good way to get back in to it. moving from 5K's and 5 milers to half-marathons and marathons takes a little more preparation. the 3 day a week training program is good for me. forces me not to keep going and get injured. just need to work on the cross-training part. thus far all cross-training has involved alcohol. fun but not productive. beginning to reassess some of it though. five 20 mile workouts might be excessive. or i should just find a way to strengthen my ankles and shins so i don't break anything. things to think about...

msp is off to nebowa on and off for the next three weeks. always complicates my life a bit but spd and i manage. really it just invovles more planning and preparation to get everything that must get done done. 118 days to the marathon.

this. and that.

2009-06-02T17:45:00.005-05:00

up at 4:30 this morning to run. again. i should be better prepared and run after work. but alas. it is what it is.

some days i am very motivated for the marathon. other days i wonder what the heck i am thinking.

one week down.

2009-05-24T17:24:00.003-05:00

two more key workouts down. 57 to go. week one of training was okay. have been battling a bit of a virus for the past few days but what needs to get done will get done. still a bit conservative in my approach. but i think that is a good thing. it is allowing me to really focusing on doing things right rather than just loading up on miles early and regretting it later.

long weekend. fantastic weather. been able to get some things done but it never feels like enough. as i was just telling msp it feels like i spend too much time planning what to do rather than just doing it. walked the dog. spd rode his bike. had a chance to see what he has been doing in dance class for the past few weeks. recital on friday.

still trying to make sense of everything in my head. and decide how to go about everything properly. i think it will all come together. when it is supposed to. in the meantime i will move on to week 19.

beginning. again.

2009-05-19T21:32:00.003-05:00

so yesterday i sat down and filled in my new training schedule. using a delightful three days of purposeful running, 3 days of cross-training plan. added four weeks full of bonus intro fun to round out the 20 weeks and we are one our way. we meaning the collective i of course. i also started a food detox. logic has never been my strongest suit so bear with me. it is a whole foods detox meaning you cut out things like sugar, eggs, dairy, meat, caffeine, alcohol, processed foods, salt, etc. basically you eat fresh fruits and veggies for a week. i have done this before and i must admit it was much worse when i was still drinking coffee. this time hasn't been so bad. i always feel better after even when i am hating it so i just need to remember that and it gets me through. today i was in a meeting where delectable cookies were offered up but i politely demurred even as they taunted me. i admit i had flat bread this evening. a definite no-no but it had to be done. weird that it feels like cheating even when it is still really healthy. oh well. no one is perfect.

anyhow back to the training part. i ran my first training run last night - 1 mile warm-up, 4 x 800 @ designated pace, 10 minute cool down. i must admit i had less than no interest in doing it. i was tired and ready to call it a day. but i got home, put on some running clothes, and sneakers and started running. and of course i felt better after. minor back tweak in the first mile but it dissipated and the rest of the run was really good. looking forward to tomorrows run. being cautious with the leg still. run. apply ice. repeat. seems to be holding out so as long as i take care of it i hope it will take care of me. i think i really need portland in more ways than i can reasonably articulate. so i will keep running in the hopes of getting there. and resolving some of the unsettled business in my head.

Portland

2009-05-14T19:29:00.000-05:00

well it's official. i am registered for the Portland Marathon. needing motivation for my life. so here it is. 20 weeks and counting. need to solidify the plan and get a move on. i am confidently moving toward my goals. all of them. bit by little tiny bit.

officially off the bus

2009-04-25T19:10:00.003-05:00

the past few weeks have been a bit trying. not for any specific reason. they just have. for reasons i wish i could explain. but cannot. somewhat disconnected from my own body. somewhat controlled by nebulous circumstances. these in and of themselves have not been a bad thing. but the culmination of all of it has produced negative results. in me physically. i haven't been running much. haven't been able to summon the determination. or will. i know what i need to do. and what i want to do. but those have not led me to put my feet in front of one another. this is not to say i have been completely sedentary. but the distance between where i thought i would be and where i am is a chasm i cannot currently cross. hoping the next few weeks give me the answers i need. and the resolve i need to get to where i want to be.

windy

2009-04-04T08:50:00.004-05:00

i have to admit i was surprised to see i didn't have an entry from April yet. why i have no idea since we are only a few days in. but alas. i will try to think of something interesting to say. i took last monday off from work. i was tired and had a headache. and quite honestly the thought of going to work was making me sick. so i didn't. i stayed home. brought my boy to school and just hung out not doing much for a while. then i went for a run. outside. it was about 40. overcast. quite windy. and delightful. felt very fall-like. never a bad thing in my opinion. i have been so cautious with my leg. so concerned that one false move or one extra mile will do me in. i know i need to get past this. but i do think the fear is legitimate. i am just trying to learn how to listen better to my body. before it is too late. anyhow. at first i was sure how far i would be able to go. i was tired and a bit out of breath. then i hit my stride and everything fell into place. ran out 3.25 miles and then back again for a total of 6.5 miles. things got a bit sketchy around mile 5. a little exhaustion setting in. but i fought it. and won. i wasn't ready to just give up. on the run. or myself. a bit of pain in the leg afterward. nothing major. iced it and went on my merry way. even took the dog for a nice 2 mile walk before retrieving the boy. over course that night it then snowed. ahh spring in minnesota!

the rest of the week sailed forward marking a big first in my life. and spd's. i traveled to chicago for work. and left spd home. for the first time since he was born. yup that's four and a half years. most people think this is crazy. but when you don't live near family it just tends to happen. anyhow. we survived. i left wednesday and returned friday evening. all was well. it was nice to get away. even if it was for work. i was able to meet up with a friend i hadn't seen in a few years which was great. we picked up right where we had left off and there was never a lull in the conversation. i think that is definitely a sign of a true friend. for the next two days i stood around and chatted with fellow attorneys trying to convince them how our products can make their lives easier. met some new folks from work. all in all an interesting experience. though definitely a tiring one. walked around downtown chicago a bit thursday night. in ridiculous wind. a light rain. had a nice dinner. checked out the chicago institute of art briefly. it closed at 8 so that limited my visit substantially. i desperately wanted to get in a run while in the windy city. friday morning was still rainy and cold so i went to the gym at the hotel. signed in and was told "that will be $18". hilarious. and exorbitant. even if it can be expensed. but the indoor track was free. so i ran. in tight circles for a while. managed to get in about 3.3 miles before returning to my room to prepare for another day of chatting and demoing products. flew home last night. spd survived without a hitch. i missed him. and msp. but i think it was good for all of us. now on to attack the weekend with vigor.

quiet days

2009-03-28T09:09:00.002-05:00

i have been laying low the past two weeks. trying to avoid another stress fracture. after a few questionable days things seem to be improving. i ran 3 times in the past 8 days. and only in piecemeal. difficult but necessary. knock on something hard - things seem to be improving on that front. also decided to get back to biking a bit. in desperate need of some way to relieve stress. all efforts to get to where i want to be have thus far have been thwarted. by myself. or nature. or others. or whatever i cannot be certain. but the fact remains i have not been able to make things proceed as i had anticipated. i feel like all the days are sliding into one another with little differentiation. i am not sure if that is good or bad. a bit of fuzziness around the edges. forever seeking an illusive clarity. and trying to keep appreciating what i have.
headed to bowling with mjb and co shortly. then mojitos with ar. if i can't have what i really want i will settle for this substitute. for now. running in the morning. supposed to do 12 so more likely to try for 6. we will see how it goes. looks like the 10k may be out due to scheduling conflicts but we shall see. still keeping my eye on the half marathon and hoping the leg and the rest of my life cooperate. feel like i have been functioning in someone elses body for the past few months. a sense of normalcy would be a welcome return. though the alternative offers more of what i might be looking for...

100%...or not

2009-03-15T08:21:00.002-05:00

this week brought its own set of challenges and anticipations. i was unfortunately plagued by a bit of pain in my leg. same leg same place as the stress fractures. not helpful. so i scaled back. i have a tendency to go too fast. not in terms of speed but rather in terms of adding too much too soon. i know i do it but it is hard to stop. and considering my confusion as of late running has been an utter necessity. mjb and i opted to run the 5k instead of the 10 miler. it was a disappointing option but better than nothing. so yesterday we arrived at the race. it was crowded. annoyingly crowded. for the first time i actually had no interest in racing. there seems to be a lack of understanding of racing etiquette. yes that sounds pretentious. it is not meant to be. it just gets difficult to constantly be forced to dodge people meandering across the entire width of the road. anyhow. it was a run. it felt good. i know we could have run much faster if allowed the space. but all in all it was good. no races planned for about 6 weeks. perhaps that is best. i will take my time to ensure my leg is good to go. not looking to get knocked out for any length of time.
i am still waiting. maybe 95 percent sure. an uncomfortable feeling really. that 5% lingering out there. conflicted about what it all means. perhaps in a day or two i will know. or at least know more. until then i will wait.

circles

2009-03-08T13:59:00.002-05:00

the past week was well. boring. i had little to occupy my time and that leads to too much thinking. never good. ran a lot. at times it was a struggle but for the most part it was great. and really necessary. yesterday i needed to get in 8 miles. a necessary distance before next weekends ten miler. it was not cold out. about 30 but i just didn't feel like going outside. and as much as the treadmill has been super helpful as of late i just didn't want to do it again. so i opted for the gym. this necessitated running in a circle about 80 times. it was oddly calming. and i did well. managed to run somewhat faster than i usually do off the treadmill. and got it all in without stopping. a modicum of success. i have been tired. really tired. but not sleeping well. i am unsure what to think anymore. feeling somewhat overwhelmed as of late by all of the unanswered questions. a few more days to go. somewhat trepidatious about the possible answers. but needing to know them. so i can stop running circles. in my mind.

looking forward

2009-02-28T07:34:00.004-06:00

this week went by fast. perhaps because of how the days were counted in my mind. or possibly just because i have been keeping my head up and looking forward instead of down at my feet. it has been a week full of opportunity and brimming with possibility. was able to get in a few runs. and able to take a few required days off. now i am sitting here on a glorious but chilly saturday morning not running. deferring to advice to wait until tomorrow to allow for every possibility. i am hopeful. but trying not to get bogged down in thinking past what i already have. honestly i could use a run right now. but i could also use the modicum of belief that waiting will improve the chances. it snowed again this week. well twice really. about five inches last saturday and then another 7 or so on thursday. made for quite the treacherous drive but all ended well. wondering when it will actually be spring like. i am used to the winter and i have come to appreciate it but this time of year makes planning for anything is rather difficult since the highs are lovely and the lows are somewhat discouraging. need to register for the 10 miler in 2 weeks. wow that is in two weeks. i think that is the first time i realized that. oh well. should be good. trying to believe in the run. wonder what the weather will bring. we shall see. in many ways i feel like i have been living a life based on contingencies. and i have. i suppose this is always true. i just usually don't care about those contingencies this much. so for now i will keep hoping for what could be. and try to remain grounded in what is.

sunday

2009-02-22T15:44:00.004-06:00

another week gone by. 4 days running. following the set schedule thus far. switching things around here and there to accommodate availability. moving on to week 3 of half-marathon training. runs still aren't all that long but we have been able to get through them all without stopping. still seems odd to think that i was able to run 10 to 15 miles at a clip without thinking twice about it. just set aside some time, threw on my shoes, and went. more difficult now but it is all coming back slowly but surely. considering putting in a few miles today but am still hesitant about pushing it too far too soon and subjecting myself to another injury. perhaps i will just follow the plan for now. been busy following other plans as well. holding on to hope. and wishing for the best.

chasing flapjacks

2009-02-14T18:21:00.003-06:00

valentines morning. we ran a 5K. mjb and i. it was crowded. and nine degrees. and snowing lightly. and fantastic. there was something about it that just felt right. it was difficult to get through the crowds and we weren't setting any land speed records but it was good. it was also the culmination of the first week of half-marathon training. 17 miles in total. not too bad. some on the treadmill. 4 at the dome. and a 5K outside. good fun. and then we ate pancakes.

panacea

2009-02-08T20:34:00.002-06:00

i woke up this morning with a horrible pain in my neck. weird kind of tweak. when i woke up at 2:30 am no problem. but by 6:45am something went horribly wrong. so despite my consternation over it i had to cancel running with mjb. disappointing but necessary. added some heat. nothing. added some ice. nothing. took some advil. nothing. even took a nap. woke up somewhat grumpy. all i wanted to do was run. it has been three days. my own problem. too many excuses but no good ones. so after my nap i decided that i need to at least move some. threw on some shorts and an ipod and hopped on the treadmill. walked for a mile. felt pretty good actually. so i decided to run. slowly at first and despite the first few initial twinges of pain i kept at it. i could feel not so much the pain but at least the tension melting away. it was helpful. and necessary. kicked it up a bit and kept going. managed to get in just over three miles. nothing exceptional but it felt right. i honestly felt better when i was running than when i stopped. but i suppose there would be additional issues if i kept running all the time. details details. training for the half-marathon starts today. word.

rabbit, rabbit, rabbit

2009-02-01T10:05:00.002-06:00

another month upon us already. time seems to be taking on a strange quality lately. sort of like fits and bursts. i have been running. inside mostly. it has been cold. and other pressing events have derailed outdoor activities. i am thinking good thoughts. and trying to get myself to the place i need to be. i am in a good place in my life. trying to get to the things i want most. more difficult than i anticipated but running is helping. i didn't run for a few days last week in an effort to try to improve my circumstances. but honestly it didn't make a difference. and i missed it too much. this morning i was able to get in 4 on the treadmill. better than nothing. the tension and stress seemed to just melt away. busy day ahead. mindless tasks really but they need to get done. here's to a new month filled with possibility.

thawing out

2009-01-17T14:27:00.003-06:00

this past week has been cold. well that might be a big understatement. it was ridiculously cold. yesterday morning upon arriving at work and checking the weather it said -28. without accounting for the wind chill. yup chilly. so needless to say there was no running outside this past week. that is until this morning. mjb and i decided it was time to say enough is enough winter and fight back. well that and it was a balmy fifteen degrees. so we headed to northeast and ran. straight into the wind but even that was okay. i have been trying to lay low to nurse my leg a bit. it has been feeling weird. likely because of the cold and the whole nature of healing. either way i am not super interested in being sidelined again so i have been hanging back a bit. i took a week off. it was difficult to do honestly but it was probably in my best interest. last tuesday we hit the dome to run. nothing we had done before but it was really kind of fun. warm. music. an interesting variety of people. and us. running in circles. put in an easy four and then headed out to grab a bite t eat. running remains my sanity. but without mjb it would not be the same. we are warming to the cold. and heading back into it.

the right start

2009-01-03T15:54:00.004-06:00

2009 started off right. with a 5K. i must admit i was feeling a bit of trepidation but only to the cold considering the frigidness of the previous morning -11. but it warmed nicely to about 19 with a stiff wind for the race. mjb and i dutifully lined up with everyone else. halfway to two-thirds to the back as usual. we don't like to overestimate our abilities. (or get passed by too many people if we can help it) but honestly i was not focusing on a time. or a plan. just getting out there and getting it done. the roads were relatively clear of snow. the course was hilly. msp and spd came out to cheer with the dog in tow. and it was fun. we did well. nothing exceptional but that was not what we were going for. the main goal - running into the new year - was met. now we are ready to keep running throughout the year. today. for tomorrow.

Holiday cheer

2008-12-25T17:28:00.002-06:00

So this is Christmas...and honestly it is pretty good. Quiet day at home with my little family. Watching the boy love his gifts. We are all content. and warm. and happy. I have been reflecting a lot lately. on everything. and appreciating all that i have in my life. my family. my friends. my family of my choosing. my animals. while there are always things i wish i could change or things i wish were different overall i could not ask for all that much more. merry christmas. happy holidays. here is to another year of love and life. and adventures.

remembering

2008-12-04T20:11:00.005-06:00

i have been busy the past few days remembering why running is the best thing i can do for myself. i am not sure what exactly kicked me back into gear. perhaps the carb-like coma i was feeling on friday. perhaps it was my ever expanding hips. perhaps it was the general grumpiness i was experiencing. whatever it may have been is really no matter. it kicked me into gear. and now i am back. i spent some of saturday and sunday at the gym. long walk with the dog through my favorite part of minneapolis. monday off to recoup. then tuesday. wednesday. and thursday. i have run. i get home from work. change my clothes and off i go on the treadmill. today felt good. work was filled with its usual excitement tempered only by my insurmountable boredom but something about it just didn't matter. kind of nice. then home to run. and then bike. then run some more. it is cold. desperately cold to be honest. 14 with a wind chill of negative 5. yes that is a below zero. eek. snow expected for saturday. running for the weekend may be on the treadmill but it will happen nonetheless. because i remember how much better it feels when i run. and get a chance to get back to who i am. and one step closer to where i want to be.

in fast forward

2008-11-20T20:20:00.006-06:00

the winter is steadily approaching this year. i would say without warning but that really isn't true. it is a gradual decline into the frozen abyss. but it is still faster than i remember in the past. or maybe it was just how time was divided out this year. in odd increments it seems. the first half of the year was somewhat uneventful. and not that the rest was actually eventful but things happened that were measured better by time - weeks, days, months. after the downtown half at the beginning of june i actually started training for triathlons. and marathons. the fact that i should have been training before the half marathon has not escaped me but what can you do right? anyhow the schedule was made. the plans were laid. and training commenced. then came the stress fractures. and 7 weeks of nothing. well pool running but no "real" running. then came the planning for italian adventure. then the actual adventure itself. two amazing weeks. back to a new position at work. and the ten miler - also without training. spd celebrated year number 4 on the planet. then we set the clocks back. and now it is cold. like 12 degrees this morning cold. and less than a week away from thanksgiving. when did this all happen? crazy fast. oddly complicated and simplistic at the same time. i am trying to be forward looking and figure out what i want to do. and where i want to be headed. i am trying to lay the ground work for our future. through a bit of excavation. and a bit of hope. 2 more days until i can run again. and perhaps get a better handle on it all. for today i am appreciating the ability to just sit her and lazily enjoy my day.

getting it back

2008-11-09T07:47:00.004-06:00

strangely i would appear that the ten miler took the run out of us. odd to say i know but going from being completely unprepared and without training to ten miles seemed to trigger something within that suddenly revolted. the run that followed the ten miler was horrendous to say the least. and the 10k. well it was a lovely walk in the woods.

but fret not - i seem to be making a comeback. i have decided to take the steps i need to get back on track. last weekend we ran. i managed to squeeze in some time on the treadmill twice during the work week since that is seemingly the only option with the current dark to light ratio outdoors. and mjb and i ran again yesterday morning. in 34 degrees. with occasional snow. it is odd to feel like i am starting over but there is also something exhilarating in that. msp and db were discussing a potential 26.2 in close to a year. i was - and am - invigorated for them. i remember all of the steps it took and how it seemed so very hard. and then there was the sense of accomplishment that came with it. i know you cannot redo a first time. but it will be fun to see the journey unfold. as it gets colder and darker the time outside is more likely to be limited but i think if i put my head down and my feet to the pavement - or treadmill - it will all work itself out.

chased by pumpkins

2008-10-25T12:47:00.003-05:00

this morning was the pumpkin chase. a 10k trail run. sounded like a good idea. seemed like a good idea. wanted it to be a good idea. turns out, perhaps it was not a very good idea... a bit on the chilly side. and we have not run in two weeks. two weeks too long apparently. we were spent seemingly from the get go. so we decided to slow down and enjoy the scenery. it was gorgeous really. and a nice break. but if i am being honest, it was a bit disappointing overall.

it almost feels like the ten miler took the run out of us. and to complicate things further my hip hurts. again. not entirely sure what the issue is but i am going to need to figure it out. soon.

still it was nice to be out in the crisp fall weather enjoying the secluded area. the chance to take a break. and as always the conversation with mjb.

rest of the weekend will likely bring more pumpkins. in the form of carving. and beer. perhaps bread. then a b-day party for little o. should be good fun for all. throw in a little fun for spd's birthday and all will be well.

the aftermath

2008-10-10T20:37:00.002-05:00

it is odd how things happen. there was so much to do. so much to prepare for. the anticipation. the waiting. the excitement. the fear. all of it was encompassing. and consuming. and then in a few weeks. or a few hours. it was just over. very strange. things seem anti-climatic. italy was amazing. but now it is over. the ten miler was great. but within a few hours it was done. so the question emerges - now what?

i am not sure what to plan for. not sure what to expect. not certain what i want to do now. i will be running of course. but toward what i cannot be sure yet.

this week was somewhat tumultuous. msp was away on business. spd was diagnosed with severe food allergies that require much more effort than i am used to expending on food. and in a way i am mourning the loss of what was. we are all well. we are healthy. we are relatively happy. still trying to figure out which end is up. and what the future will hold of my own making.

180 degrees of difference

2008-10-05T16:19:00.003-05:00

last year - 26.2 agonizing miles.
this year - 10 miles.

last year - 83 and humid.
this year - 49 and rain.

last year - running in solitude (with thousands of others)
this year - hanging with mjb.

last year - months of training.
this year - longest run of 3 miles in prior three months.

last year - in need of an ice bath.
this year - in need of a hot shower.

last year - struggling to get through.
this year - enjoying the experience.

overall things went well. the first five miles were incredible. the next five were less so but still okay. it helped to be with mjb. she pushes through no matter what. the lack of training made some difference. but the decisive factor in much of it was the rain. it was raining as we approached the start. then it stopped. for the first 6 miles or so it held off. but then at mile 6 it began with no intention to stop. at first it was refreshing. but that quickly stopped and became just cold. it was an interesting experience. finished with blue lips and numb legs. but finished just the same.

happy to be back at it.

on a one year delay

2008-10-04T10:42:00.002-05:00

one year ago i was frantically worrying and obsessing. not knowing how things were going to go. or how i would do. or even what it meant to run that much. and yes it was different. it was a marathon. the proverbial end of the road to all of the months and months of training i had put in. but it was daunting. and frightening. and overwhelming. i ate little. and obsessed about if i had trained enough. or eaten the right foods. or drank enough water. i was confounded by the idea that less than six months earlier i had started running. and run (i use this term loosely) a 5k. and then the morning of the race came. and i nervously approached it. surrounded by family. and friends. and others who supported us. it was hot. and crazy. but it went alright. not stellar. but not horrible. an experience at the least. and it motivated me to keep moving forward.

tomorrow is the ten miler. and i am ready. perhaps not physically. but mentally. it is an entirely different experience than last year. so here i am now. less than one month out from being cleared to run after two stress fractures. little training under my belt given the sidelining due to injury. and five days back from fifteen days traversing northern italy. indulging in food and wine. walking all over. and enjoying it. but with only one run in two weeks. still i am not concerned. maybe this is a naive. or poorly thought through. either way i am okay with it. and excited about it. mjb and i will be running. and talking. as we do so well. and our only goal is to have fun. and enjoy the experience. i have no doubt that we will.

run for the experience. not for the clock.

Viva Italia!

2008-09-19T02:41:00.002-05:00

Our italian adventure has commenced. We arrived in Milan via Amsterdam on Monday afternoon. Thus far we have made it to Lake Garda, Verona, and Venice. All amazing. Too much too say right now, but I thought a few pictures might be in order... More to come soon. Busy loving our adventures!