the only things that matter

this year has been interesting. filled with trials. tribulations. triumph. disappointments. love. and hope. i made goals. i had expectations. and some of them were perhaps unrealistic. but maybe only because i had no real control over them. i thought i did. but in actuality there is only so much we can do. and only so much we are able to impose our will on. all i wished for and all i wanted were not enough. so plan a. and plan b. ultimately failed. but they lead to plan c. something that i finally had complete control over. myself. i could run. and i could run far. i knew how to do that. i know how to do that. so i ran another marathon. in portland. and i did okay. i was able to come to think about things in an entirely different way. and see my life in a new dimension. 2009 was trying. but good. i have a fantastic family. and i am here. and through it all i managed to run an average of 2.1 miles a day. there are still opportunities in front of me. and i am surrounded by love. for 2010 i am posed for the future. ready to take on whatever may come. with spencer and meredith beside me. best wishes for everyone in the year to come.

it looks a whole lot like christmas

it's hard to believe spencer has never been sledding. he's five. how have we missed this pivotal part of his upbringing. no time to dwell on it. this morning we corrected it. christmas eve. it snowed about 7 inches last night. expecting another foot or so tonight. while we waited for santa and the impending snowmageddon we headed out to a local park. boy and dog. is there really much that can be said about sledding. its fantastic. fun. fast. reminds you why winter is magical and why it is great to be a kid. and that you don't have to be a kid to be a part of the fun.

the dog is obsessed with snow. it has been warmer than the usual minnesota frigidness for the past few days so she hasn't been picking up her feet in the usual sad "oh my goodness my paws are freezing off" way. instead she bounds out into the snow and tackles spencer. steals his gloves off his hands and runs off wildly. i think she would have fared well in the iditarod...if she could run more than three-quarters of a mile.


if there was a perfectly magical age for christmas i think spencer is there. he is so very excited. by the snow. by the prospect of santa. by holiday songs. by lights. by all of it. we went to the store to buy food to donate to the food shelf. and picked out a few things for toys for tots. we are attempting to instill a healthy balance of giving and receiving. and i think we are doing okay. it is just incredible to be able to see all of the magic again through his eyes. christmas morning should be spectacular.

noticeables

weird things happen when its cold. your eyes tear. and those tears - well they freeze to your face. you lose the concept of how fast you are running. and then when it snows things get even more interesting. i hadn't given much thought to the closed paths. or running through piles of snow with running shoes with mesh tops. but let me tell you - these are definitely things that need a bit of thought.

this morning wasn't even that cold. 12 degrees. but the wind was moving a bit. i ventured out a bit reluctantly. started in one direction and quickly hit a completely snow covered path. so i turned and headed the other way before i lost my nerve and headed back into the warmth of my car. i ran. and ran. the first four or so miles were okay. i never really hit my stride. i couldn't seem to feel comfortable no matter what i did. and then as i moved out of the way to accommodate a group of three out for a walk i felt somehow better. and i ran. across a bridge and up a hill. turned back around and there it was. the wind. wow. cold. all of the sweat that had slowly been accumulating on my skin suddenly felt like it was being blown through my body. my face was frozen. tears quickly started streaming down my face and freezing to my cheeks as hard little disks. it was a bit brutal. but exhilarating at the same time. strange how that happens. finally made it back to the car at 8 miles. and that was enough. i trudged through a snowbank and into the car. once home i sat on top of the heater for twenty minutes until i was finally warm. i need to figure this out. winter is long and it hasn't even really started yet. i love being able to get outside so i need to find something a bit more windproof. that and perhaps lose my attachment to my toes...

8 weeks to surf city.. no time to slack.

12 days of xmas are upon us. good things to come. attending to my boys active social life. and hoping to bring some merriment in the meantime.

winter has arrived

yup its cold. finally. it definitely took its time but now it has set it. high today was well 18 degrees. with the wind chill it was 8. so running tomorrow should be interesting to say the least. yes i have run in worse (much colder) but initially it is always such a shock. i will be fine. last weekend was 20+ in shorts in the 34 degrees but i will skip the shorts in the morning. or maybe sunday. i am not tied to either day honestly. i should figure out when there is will be less wind and go with that...just looking forward to a nice run. no pressure just get out there an move.

i like the winter. even in minnesota. there is something about everything being paused a bit at least in nature that is calming to me. and it all looks pristine and lovely - at least when it is covered in nice white snow. i say all of this now though when it is 0 next week i may be regretting it. we shall see. for now i will just appreciate my ability to run outside - be it in the freezing cold or otherwise. a marathon still awaits. and i am on a journey to be who i'm destined to be.

something more

is it the human condition to always want just a little bit more. something slightly - better. or bigger. or just different. or is it just me. i am often struck but the somewhat dichotomous sides of appreciating what you have and wanting to strive for so much more. and i know there is a balance there but it seems so very precarious... ahh words. all jammed into my head.

big decisions this week. at least on paper.

i know good people. who do amazing things.